I went to the interview conference with the idea in my head, placed there by God, of Africa. It seems that God has always called my heart toward Africa, even when I cannot explain it and do not know it. “Africa has my heart” is what I tell people. And God made my heart.
I also went planning to make this decision, that of choosing three jobs by the end of the conference, on my own. Just me and God. I am easily influenced by people and have been trying hard to fight against the need to know how others feel about something. I decided. No phone calls or texts or emails to anyone about the choice I was making or about the jobs available. (Thanks, though, to those who texted or called me just to encourage me and let me know you were praying. You made my day, my week!)
I arrived a day early with 6 other people who all live pretty far from the IMB base. It was really fun getting to know them pretty well (I mean, for 5 days!) and just hanging out with them before the conference actually started.
When we arrived on campus, they handed us a binder of information. So much information. Overwhelmingly exciting. Excitingly overwhelming. (If that makes sense.) I flipped to the back flap by accident and saw three job suggestions. Three little notes saying, “Come see me first at the ministry fair, I think you’d be good for these jobs.” I couldn’t look at them very long…too exciting. But I noticed the countries the areas they were in: South Asia, Kenya, and Tanzania.
Next day consisted of two hours at the gym, playing everything from tennis to basketball to Frisbee and hula-hoop, with my new friends as we waited for the rest of the candidates to arrive.
At the session that night, they talked about how the decision we were making was not a right or wrong decision, but rather a right or left one. They said over and over how they would rejoice no matter what God called us to, no matter what His will for us at this time. Go back home. Go to grad school. Go to another state. Or go overseas.
They also talked about being open to ANYWHERE God would lead, even if you have a picture in your head of somewhere.
I took their words to heart. When I finally received the job packet of over 100 jobs, I immediately crossed off the jobs for couples only and for males only.
After going through the packet at least three times with my new friends late into the night, I had checked off twenty possible jobs. When I read a little job blurb and something jumped out at me that sounded interesting or like me, I checked it off. And the jobs were all over the place, although there were many in Sub-Saharan Africa.
Next morning after worship, we met in small group. Four other girls, our leader, and me! It was great. We shared basic information, our testimonies, and our responses to the question “why are you here?”
Then, it was ministry fair time for my group. Straightaway, I went to the Sub-Saharan Africa table to talk to the deployment consultant there. I asked him about the Tanzania and Kenya jobs, but instead of responding, he asked me about my major. “Oh, biology,” I responded in a voice that was the opposite of enthusiastic.
“Have you considered the Sudan job?” he asked back.
I had. It was one of the ones I checked off! I told him so.
The Sudan job is out in a village. Half of the job is HIV/AIDS Education (and helping with some discipleship and church planting) and the other half is home-schooling two missionary kids of a family already in Sudan.
I explained that I hesitated when thinking about that job, because I am not a certified teacher. Then, he introduced me to a career missionary who had just finished home-schooling her daughter for the first time. She explained to me how easy it was to learn how to home-school; we talked for 30 minutes. Then, we walked through the full job description together, including climate, clothing, Christian influence in the area, the language I would be learning, etc. It sounded very me and very cool and very…right.
So I put Sudan on my mental job list.
Later, I went back and asked him about the Tanzania and Kenya jobs. They were essentially the same job, working with university students. Sounded good.
So I put the Tanzania job, the only job in Tanzania, on my mental job list.
That night after a really great underground church experience with my small group, two girls and I stayed behind to look at the job books and atlases. I looked at this huge map of the world on the wall with Rachel from my small group. She was trying to find Macedonia. We could not find it. We kept thinking Greece and “isn’t it in the Bible?” but could not see it anywhere. (Turns out it was labeled F.Y.R.O.M., Federal Yugoslavic Republic of Macedonia. Someone kindly informed us of that the next day!)
I then went to the restroom. Yes, this is relevant. There, I prayed, “God, if You want me to go to Sudan or Tanzania, You are going to have to call someone else too.” You see, both of these jobs are partner jobs, meaning that they will only send two females, not just one.
I walked out of the restroom, and Rachel asks, “Do you know anything about this job? It just keeps coming up.” She was pointing to the Sudan job. YES. We started freaking out after I told her what I had just prayed. God is so cool. No, He is way beyond cool.
The next morning I was looking through the Sub-Saharan job book that contained all of the jobs in Sub-Saharan Africa and kept thinking, “I can’t do that one. I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” Then, there was a job that looked cool. But I still felt uncomfortable with part of the job. I went to talk to the husband career missionary of the home-schooling mom. He assured me that I would receive adequate training in all evangelism areas. Ok…cool. “Are there any other jobs you are looking at?”
“There’s one,” I told him, “But it says it would be great if you know how to cook from scratch.” That’s right. Real scratch. I told him I don’t even know how to cook! He again told me, “No problem. They will teach you that too. Plus, it is a great way to spend time learning the language and getting to know the women! Just by spending the day with them as they cook!” Interesting.
I thanked him, picked up the Sub-Saharan job book again, and sat on the floor up against the wall in that room. And again I flip through the jobs thinking, “I can’t do that. I can’t do this one. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” And then I heard God. No, I did not hear Him with my ears. But I heard, inside my head, a direct rebuttal to my “I can’t.”
“Alyssa, I can.”
Whoa. Bam. DUH! It hit me like it has hit me oh so many times before. This life is not about me. And I was right. I cannot do anything well or completely. I cannot make myself do something that I am incapable of doing, and I am incapable of doing quite a lot. But it is NOT about me. It is NOT about what I can do. At all. It is all about God and what He can do. I am going to be walking around somewhere, and He will be the one doing everything through me. How many times does it take God reminding me of His ability to do the impossible before it gets in my head? Obviously, very many.
It was then that I realized that the Tanzania job was…safe. Comfortable. It was basically Alyssa Brown’s perfect plan. I would go for two years with a very hoity-toity attitude. I would go thinking, “I got this all under control.” I would go knowing the language pretty well, the airport, the culture, the people, and how to work with university students. I would be depending on myself and settling for what I can do, forgetting that I know God and all that I know He can do.
That’s when I saw what God wanted me to do. He was pushing me to take a step of faith and put the other two jobs on the list after Sudan. Putting aside the Tanzania job, I did just that.
That’s what faith is. It’s not just stepping off a cliff like Indiana Jones onto an invisible bridge that you are pretty sure is there. Faith is stepping off a cliff, no matter you see or don’t see, because you are sure, certain, 100% positive that God is there. Faith is stepping off a cliff, trusting God that you are actually stepping into His hands. Period. It is the belief that God will do something, whether or not there is a bridge. Faith really is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
So my list? #1:Sudan. The other two jobs tied for second.
It was personal reflection time just as I made my decision, so I left the room to go and reflect. I sat down on a couch away from people. The building where I was had pictures all over the walls of people from all over the world worshipping. Of course, the wall across from where I sat had a picture of Africans worshipping. The focus of the picture was one woman in the middle, and the rest of the people around her were blurred slightly. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. You could see her heart for Jesus being poured forth as she sang.
I looked down from the picture and noticed Beth Moore’s Voices of the Faithful on the coffee table beside me. The book is a collection of stories about missionaries, with a different story for each day of the year. I thought to myself, “Well, I will just look at October 22nd. Just to see what’s there.” I opened to October 22nd. First sentence on the page? I read the word aloud. “Sudan.”
Uh huh. Sudan. The story was awesome! It was about two missionaries who came upon a witch doctor who was performing magic. When they approached, she was unable to perform magic. She got angry and forced them to leave. They did not go far but went behind a nearby house to pray. Even though she could not see them anymore, she was still unable to do her magic. She searched and found them quickly saying, “Whatever power you have in you is greater than that inside me. I want what you have.” That day the whole village of 150 people came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
I was in awe of God. I am in awe of God. When I read “Sudan,” it was not as if I felt God was saying, “Alyssa, you are going to Sudan.” Instead, it was more of an assurance. “Alyssa, I hear you. I got your back. When you are willing to follow, I will lead you.” Ah, my God is so good. So great!
I recorded everything that I have written here in my journal. At the end of the conference they told us we would hear about their final decision on our placement after Wednesday, October 27th.
I checked my phone on Monday and Tuesday, but I was not planning to carry it with me everywhere until Thursday. But as I was headed back to the office on Wednesday, my phone started ringing. Richmond, VA. What? I answered.
It was the deployment consultant for Sub-Saharan Africa. “Have you still been thinking and praying about the Sudan job?”
“Yes…”
“Well, that’s where we feel God wants you to go.” I think I was screamed or talking really fast at this point. “That’s awesome!!!”
“It is awesome!”
“Do you know who my partner is?”
“Yes! It's Rachel.” The Rachel from my small group.
God is so good. He leads when you ask Him and when you let Him. He will never leave you in the dark or alone or lost in a fog of the unknown. It is easy to think that after college, when you are without a plan, you just fall off a cliff. But really, when you do not know what comes next and you rest in the fact that He does, there is no falling off a cliff. And it’s not so much like Indiana Jones either, although stepping out slowly with one foot can work.
I’ve learned that it’s so much better just to jump.
“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22
