loneliness.....is.....lovely.

Wait...what?

Yes, it sounds crazy.  But that has become my prayer.  Not that the loneliness will go away, because it won't (especially in this next month before my teammate comes).  If I prayed that, I'd be asking for something that God has already said "no" to at this time.  He's called me, in a way, to be lonely for now.  So, I thought I'm going to make the most of this opportunity!  (The trip is what you make it, right Pastor Dan?)  And the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray that the loneliness is lovely.  Ok, yes, I also really like acronyms.  A while back I wrote a post called “waiting is wonderful.”  But…it helps me to remember things in this memorable manner…easier to pray, quick to recall when looking back, and short and sweet to pass on to someone else.

In the concordance in the back of the Bible I have with me, there is only one verse in the Bible that uses the word: "lonely".  I looked my last night in Nairobi when I began to again feel that overwhelming feeling that is loneliness.  To be honest, it's kind of like feeling you are in a black hole, being sucked away from everything that is familiar and everyone you know.

“God sets the lonely in families.” Psalm 68:6

And He has done this for me in many ways.

My wonderful, faithful in prayer, contiuously supportive family back home. (And even though they are not pictured this includes my dear grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles in Texas and New York!)

My family adjusting to life overseas in Africa and beyond and going through the same kinds of adjustments and transitions from training in Virginia and Zambia.

My family on my team here in Sudan. (And this includes Whitney, who was here for two months but is home now, and Mindy who is on her way here for a long time so soon!)

My family among the Toposa people.

I thanked God that night in Nairobi for each of my families.  He always provides even for needs I didn’t know I had.

Then, I began flipping through the book of Genesis, because I’ve been reading through the beginning chapters of the Bible, and God brought me to chapter 16 and the story of Hagar’s flight.  My eyes were immediately drawn to verse 13: “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the God who sees me.’”

God sees me. 

Even when I am physically alone.

Even when I am so overjoyed I can’t stand it but have no one to share it with.

Even when tears fall down and no one hears me cry.

Even when it is very dark and nothing can be seen.

God sees me.

What a promise to claim!  I decided to look at the verses marked in the cross-reference section of my Bible.  Another moment where I knew God was speaking directly to my heart.  He led me to Psalm 139.  Verses 7-10 calmed me immediately upon reading them:

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens , you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”

I have been reading elsewhere in the Old Testament, and God tells His people many times to “hold fast” to His commands, “hold fast” to His Word, and to “hold fast” to Him.  In low moments, I have reminded myself to be sure and hold fast to Him, my ever-present King, who never ever changes.

But!!! What I hadn’t remembered or realized yet, was the greater truth that He, the Creator God of the Universe, the Most High King, the Sovereign Lord, He holds me fast. 

Whoa.  Whoa.

It may seem crazy, and I can hardly believe it myself, but the loneliness is lovely.  Because it makes me rest in Him alone, the Only One who really is always there. 

And it’s becoming more lovely every single day.