the truth about love.

"The Truth About Love."

The title of the artist Pink's new concert tour is written in huge pink letters on a billboard somewhere along I-30.  On my new commute from my apartment in Dallas to the Graduate Institute of Applied Linguistics, I've noticed this sign, and today this unfolded in my head...

The truth about human love in this life and in this world is...that it runs out.
It is self-centered.
It is based on feelings and emotion.
It is conditional.
It doesn't last forever.
It isn't happiness (which also runs out).
It is always and will always be incomplete.
It does not complete you.
It is not enough.

The truth about this love is that it fails.

I don't know Pink's lyrics on her album, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to find out what she believes to be the truth about love.  Ok, well, I happened to notice she has a song called "True Love."  I looked at the lyrics...something like "I hate you, I really hate you, so much, I think it must be true love."  Hate is love now?  WHAT??!!?!?!?!  Oh, and "no one can break my heart like you."  So broken hearts = true love.  This makes me want to run from love.  Oh wait!  She also says in "The Truth About Love" song, which by the way has some terrible lyrics, that "it is regret, it is rage, it is hate." Hmmm...

However, Pink did get something right in her song for which her album is named: "the truth about love is it's all a lie."  Yes, Pink, love in this world is a lie, because of all the other truths I listed above.

Then I remembered. I sang a song also called "True Love" this week.  This version is by Phil Wickham.

Come close, listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Search your hearts, you know you can't deny it
Lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

Jesus is alive
He rose again

I know the Truth.  I know Love.  Jesus Christ is Truth and Love.  And He never forsakes.  His love is constant.  It is more than emotion.  It is unconditional.  It lasts forever.  It is enough for every need.  His love never fails. Never.

He died for you, for me, when we turned our backs on Him, hated Him, disregarded Him, ignored Him.  It doesn't make sense.  But...

That's the real Truth about Love.

close to home.

Terror attack.  Westgate Shopping Centre.  Nairobi, Kenya.

I don't know if you have heard the story of what happened in Nairobi about a week ago now, but it hit me close to home.

Perhaps people who frequented the World Trade Center Towers or the Pentagon before September 11th can relate.  I am having a hard time explaining my feelings to people at this moment.  You see, Westgate Mall was a place to which I went often when I was in Nairobi, Kenya (about every three months of my two years overseas).  The pictures and videos are all too real.

Me and friends at Westgate in July 2012

I walked those hallways.  I shopped in that supermarket.  I ate at the outdoor cafe.  I saw movies in that theater.

The hospital to which they took victims was the hospital where I spent six days last June, being treated for a kidney infection.

The photos from a distance of the smoke rising from the mall were taken from the homes of my friends in Nairobi.

And more than all this, a dear missionary family was trapped inside.  Please read this article about the Suels: http://www.commissionstories.com/africa/stories/view/imb-missionaries-recount-terrorists-seizure-of-nairobi-mall Then, please join me in thanking and praising God for their safe escape and His protection.

And continue to pray for all of those hurting in Nairobi, Kenya and around the world.  Over 60 people were killed, and 175 injured.  There are still people missing.  Many are in shock.  Pray that His great grace would meet each person where they are.  Pray that this terrible event draws people to Jesus. Pray for those who were behind the attack...God desires that all men may know His name and repent.

When the Lord speaks to Moses as He delivers the Israelites from Egypt, He declares:

"I will lay my hand on Egypt and with mighty acts of judgment I will bring out my divisions, my people the Israelites. And the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I stretch out my hand against Egypt and bring the Israelites out of it.”  Exodus 7:4-5

But His demonstration of His might in Egypt is not only for the Egyptians...

"Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go to Pharaoh, for I have hardened his heart and the hearts of his officials so that I may perform these signs of mine among them that you may tell your children and grandchildren how I dealt harshly with the Egyptians and how I performed my signs among them, and that you may know that I am the Lord."  Exodus 10:1-2 

Whether this hits close to home, or not:

Pray that ALL would know that HE is LORD.

common men for His glory.

Continuing the theme of my last post...speaking of Jesus and His twelve apostles...

"Notice the natural progression in their training program. At first, they simply followed Jesus, gleaning from His sermons to the multitudes and listening to His instructions along with a larger group of disciples...Next...He called them to leave everything and follow Him exclusively" (22, Twelve Ordinary Men by John MacArthur)

 They, like Ruth, possessed nothing in themselves that made them worthy of redemption and were not gifted in any area as to be loved and brought close.

"Although they were uncommon men, theirs was an uncommon calling. In other words, the task they were called to, and not anything about the men per se, is what makes them important" (22).

It is the kinsman-redeemer who makes Ruth complete again.  It is Christ who called the Twelve to His side, that He might make them whole and train them in Truth.  It is the Holy Spirit who empowered them to follow Him and love like Him and further the kingdom of God to the ends of the earth.

“Brothers think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.’”  1 Corinthians 1:26-31

Thank You, Jesus, for being my kinsman-redeemer.  Thank You for accepting me and choosing me that Your Name might be seen and known.  Thank You for creating me to glorify You.  I am complete and whole and satisfied when You are exalted in my life.  May I never boast of anything in me.  May my boast always be of You.

gleaning and great grace.

This week I had the opportunity to join the Jardin de Milagros crew (a farm that gives all produce to the Food Pantry in El Paso) in gleaning a chili field of another farmer.

While I was gleaning, I thought of Ruth.  Ruth the Moabitess, who after her husband’s death, left everything behind to follow her mother-in-law back to Israel.  This land was foreign to her, and in it she was an outsider.  Because by nature she was of a different people, she had no right to harvest alongside the Israelite people.

“So she went out to glean and begin to glean in the fields behind the harvesters” (Ruth 2:3)

And it so happened, that the field she gleaned from belonged to a close relative: Boaz.  When Boaz noticed Ruth gleaning, he protected her and said freely, “‘My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here…’” (Ruth 2:8).

Some people think that when Jesus reveals Himself as Lord and He calls all people to believe in Him and repent that He merely says, “Come and glean.  Stay here with Me.  Let’s be acquaintances, even friends. Your home is elsewhere, as is your heart, but stay and take what you need and what you want and then you may go as you please.”

But the story of Ruth continues.

Next, Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi, realize that Boaz is not only a close relative but “‘he is one of [their] kinsman-redeemers’” (Ruth 2:20).  He is the answer to all of their problems!  By his blood, he is the rightful person to be husband to Ruth and son to Naomi (and son of her late husband and therefore heir of his estate).  By his blood, he is the only one who can provide for them the home, and all that a home entails, that they desperately need.

But there was also another person who was in line to be redeemer to Ruth and Naomi.  He was, however, concerned more for his own estate.  He was unable to perform the task required of him by the laws of Israel.  He told Boaz, “‘You redeem it yourself. I cannot do it’” (Ruth 4:6).

And Boaz did. 

Ruth came to him in the night and “lay down…at his feet” (Ruth 3:7-8).  She said: “‘I am your servant…Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer’” (Ruth 3:9). 

And Boaz said to Ruth: “‘And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask’” (Ruth 3:11).   Ad Boaz declared to the people: “‘I have acquired Ruth the Moabitess, Mahlon’s widow, as my wife’” (Ruth 4:10).

Ruth went being nobody to being somebody.

From foreigner to member of the people of Israel.

From outsider to gleaner to wife. 

She was not just provided for,

or invited to,

but pulled all the way in!

What GREAT GRACE!

And what a true picture of what Jesus does for those who come to His feet and cry out, “Lord, I am your servant!  Be my redeemer, and cover me with all that You are.”  He does not merely provide for needs.  Or save from eternal destruction.  But He answers and does more.  By His blood, He is able to take those who come to Him as His bride.  He frees from sin that we might walk in life, abundant life.  That we may not only glean, but grasp and dance around in His great grace.  That we may be His, and He may be ours.

What happened to the chilies and me?  Well, all the chilies we picked went to the Food Pantry downtown to feed the families who pick up food baskets from there.  And I was fortunate to take home about ten!  My friend Hilda chopped them up and made them into salsa.  And not just any salsa, but one that was muy picoso, or very hot!  Even in my life, the gleaning led to so much more.  I thank God for teaching me real life lessons with simple things like picking chilies.

“‘Praise be to the Lord, who this day has not left [us] without a kinsman-redeemer’” (Ruth 4:14). 

Praise be to Jesus Christ who calls us to glean and then to gather and then to grasp and then to give His great, great grace.  

tan lines fade.

Before a soak (the lower set of feet are mine)

When I returned from South Sudan, I had perfect tan lines on my wrists from my watch and Toposa bracelet that I wore every single day in Toposaland.  I also had perfect Chaco’s tan lines on my feet. 

I admit, those tan lines made me pretty proud.  I’d been somewhere.  I’d done something.  I’d had an adventure of a lifetime. 

I hoped those tan lines would draw questions.  I hoped people would see and wonder. (Kind of silly, considering how no one studies wrists or the tops of feet in making conversation or meeting someone new!)  I hoped they’d stay forever, a reminder to me of where I’d been and what I’d experienced and a message to everyone in the world that I had a story to tell.  And a story that was worth listening to.

But they are fading.  If I really wanted to, I could try to keep them!  I could wear that same watch and a Toposa bracelet and even adorn my feet with my Chaco’s and then go stand outside in the sun every morning and afternoon for hours and hours and hours. 

But the truth is that wherever I go, I will and I must adapt to my surroundings to survive and more so, to thrive.  I never wore and will never wear Chaco’s on a daily basis in America, and I only took and only needed three pairs of shoes in Sudan.

Tan lines fade.  But the mark of Sudan remains.  Maybe not on the outside.  Along with the change to my tan lines, my hair is already nicer and cleaner and darker, and my feet don’t smell as bad and aren’t threatened by thorns.  My stomach doesn’t face all the things it did (especially those unseen things I’ll never know about), and my body doesn’t have to fight malaria. 

But my heart and mind will never be the same because of the time I spent in South Sudan.  Tan lines fade.  But my stories remain.  And I am here, by His grace, to tell them. 

And there will be new tan lines ahead.  I have started wearing shorts again, which by the way feels very strange after being in a place where those were considered indecent.  And though tanning is hard for me in general, you can already see a little difference in the colors on my legs!  And this is just the beginning of my first American summer in two years.

I’ll stand in the sun here as I did there and soak it up as much as I can.  But I think I’ll do it for another reason.  Not so I can get tan lines, to show off what I’ve done or who I am or what I’ve been through.  No!  The point is to BE, fully, where I am; it is to BE in the moment, and not miss what’s happening around me right now.  Soaking up sunshine means pouring out all of me into the relationships with people in the place where I am living, whether it’s in South Sudan or El Paso, Texas, USA. 

Life is about learning.  I want to be a lifelong learner.  Constantly soaking up new information to then share it with others.  And just as I learned new things everyday under the sun of Toposaland, I also learn, or re-learn, things here on a daily basis.

Things like how…there are such things as tape dispensers.  They cut tape perfectly straight on the edge.  Or that...hotels offer complimentary toiletries to guests.  If you forget something, it’s ok!  They’ll help you out.  And even some things that make me long for Sudan…like the fact that light pollution here makes the night sky less starry and the moon foggier than in Sudan, where the moon is like a spotlight in the sky and the stars really are like diamonds.

So, here’s to fading tan lines and new adventures and old stories and new sunshine!  Here’s to learning and learning more and sharing and sharing more!  Here’s to following Jesus—as I am, right where I am!

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord, not for men”  

Colossians 3:23

“May His name endure forever; may it continue as long as the sun.  Then all nations will be blessed through Him, and they will call Him blessed.”  

Psalm 72:17

how GREAT is our GOD!

"Great and marvelous are Your deeds, Lord God Almighty.  Just and true are Your ways, King of the ages.  Who will not fear You, O Lord, and bring glory to Your name?  For You alone are holy.  All nations will come and worship before You, for Your righteous acts have been revealed."

Revelation 15:3-4 

The Lord protected Jonathan and Holly Lesley and my translator Charles' family as they evacuated from South Sudan yesterday.  There is a rebel leader that has threatened the town of Kapoeta, and he told the UN to get all foreigners out of the area.

Last night, I know that an army of prayer warriors knelt before the Sovereign God on their behalf as they drove from the compound to Lokichoggio, Kenya.  At one point they were stuck in the mud, but God worked through that and freed the truck from the mud.  They have safely crossed the border, and I just want to declare from the depths of my soul that it is only by HIS POWER and HIS GRACE that it is so.

How great is our God?  Greater than we can ever know.  Please continue in the battle with me through prayer for all of my friends in the Kapoeta area.  Pray that the God whose deeds are forever just and true would demonstrate His power in this area.  That all people, from Toposa schoolboys to SPLA soldiers, from the rebel leader David Yau Yau to the Kenyans still in the area, would fear the Lord and seek Him and cry out to Him in this time of great need.

He is a great God, and there is no need too great, no earthly army or spiritual power too strong, no plan too firm, that He cannot meet and conquer and thwart.  His purpose alone remains.  He stands in control, even now.

And He Himself has proclaimed this truth to which I cling, "ALL NATIONS WILL COME AND WORSHIP HIM."  May You, my Great God, be glorified in South Sudan!!!!!

And pray for my heart and the heart of each member of the Toposa team...that in every doubt and fear and worry and through all the tears we would trust in the Great God whose deeds are marvelous all the time.  That we would cling to Him, hold fast to Him, trust completely in Him, for He alone is holy and eternally good.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...Come and see the works of the Lord, the desolations He has brought on the earth.  He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; He breaks the bow and shatters the spear, He burns the shields with fire.  Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.  The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

Psalm 46:1-3, 8-11 

spring in El Paso.

One of the things that I realized since I’ve been back that I didn’t even realize I missed so much in Sudan is…spring.

There is no spring in Sudan, just dry season and rainy season.  Yes, flowers emerge in Sudan after lots of rain, but they are few and sparse.

I went out into the front yard in El Paso the other day to pick up the newspaper (a real newspaper I could hold in my hand!) and was blown away by the glorious smells erupting from every bush and tree and flower that I passed!  I had to pause.  I had to breathe in these splendid smells.  And the beautiful blossoms?  I had to stare.  Each one was ceaselessly dissipating the fresh and real smells of spring and new life and was brilliantly radiating color.

Here's some roses from the backyard!

Spring in El Paso also brought an end to the symphony season.  The final guest conductor for the season was actually the former maestro of the El Paso Symphony Orchestra: Maestro Gurer Aykal.  My grandmother was instrumental in bringing him to El Paso in 1993, and at his first concert, she gave the introduction and I, as a four-year-old, presented the maestro with flowers.   At his final concert in 2004, my grandmother again introduced him, and I again presented him with flowers.

For his special return concert, guess what happened?  The lady in charge of the concert called my grandmother and requested that she introduce him and that her granddaughter, that’s me, give the flowers!

It was very special night.  Getting so dressed up was most of the fun!  When the maestro came back on the first night after his first bow, he saw me and asked, “Is it you?!?!”

            “Yes!” I replied.  Then, he kissed my forehead.  I followed him after his second bow and handed him the flowers!  So wonderful.  So wonderful.

Here's me and my mom on our way to the symphony!

El Paso.  A rare gem located at the intersection of New Mexico, Texas, and Mexico.  Childhood and forever home, no matter where I am or end up. 

The other day I decided I needed me some Scenic Drive, which by the way is the real name of this amazing street in El Paso.  It winds up the side of the mountain and takes you to a breathtaking view of El Paso and Mexico!  I paused up there and read some verses in God’s Word about mountains…and was led to these, absolutely perfect for me right now!

“But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”  Isaiah 52:12

“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the tree of the field will clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12

Painted across the mountains in Juarez, Mexico: "The Bible is the truth. Read it."

A view of downtown!

Another thing about El Paso that I LOVE is the culture and the culture means REAL, delicious, serious Mexican food.  Homemade enchiladas was my first meal upon my return.  I ate lunch at La Malinche, a very cute, very Mexican restaurant, on Sunday, and when I got home, my jacket smelled of Mexican food.  And I love it.  Real Mexican food restaurants have that smell to them.  Not just the smell of salsa in the air, but the kind of smell that sinks deep into your clothes.  Mmm…it’s another smell that means home.

And just because she is the most amazing dog in the world...here's Maya!