tan lines fade.

Before a soak (the lower set of feet are mine)

When I returned from South Sudan, I had perfect tan lines on my wrists from my watch and Toposa bracelet that I wore every single day in Toposaland.  I also had perfect Chaco’s tan lines on my feet. 

I admit, those tan lines made me pretty proud.  I’d been somewhere.  I’d done something.  I’d had an adventure of a lifetime. 

I hoped those tan lines would draw questions.  I hoped people would see and wonder. (Kind of silly, considering how no one studies wrists or the tops of feet in making conversation or meeting someone new!)  I hoped they’d stay forever, a reminder to me of where I’d been and what I’d experienced and a message to everyone in the world that I had a story to tell.  And a story that was worth listening to.

But they are fading.  If I really wanted to, I could try to keep them!  I could wear that same watch and a Toposa bracelet and even adorn my feet with my Chaco’s and then go stand outside in the sun every morning and afternoon for hours and hours and hours. 

But the truth is that wherever I go, I will and I must adapt to my surroundings to survive and more so, to thrive.  I never wore and will never wear Chaco’s on a daily basis in America, and I only took and only needed three pairs of shoes in Sudan.

Tan lines fade.  But the mark of Sudan remains.  Maybe not on the outside.  Along with the change to my tan lines, my hair is already nicer and cleaner and darker, and my feet don’t smell as bad and aren’t threatened by thorns.  My stomach doesn’t face all the things it did (especially those unseen things I’ll never know about), and my body doesn’t have to fight malaria. 

But my heart and mind will never be the same because of the time I spent in South Sudan.  Tan lines fade.  But my stories remain.  And I am here, by His grace, to tell them. 

And there will be new tan lines ahead.  I have started wearing shorts again, which by the way feels very strange after being in a place where those were considered indecent.  And though tanning is hard for me in general, you can already see a little difference in the colors on my legs!  And this is just the beginning of my first American summer in two years.

I’ll stand in the sun here as I did there and soak it up as much as I can.  But I think I’ll do it for another reason.  Not so I can get tan lines, to show off what I’ve done or who I am or what I’ve been through.  No!  The point is to BE, fully, where I am; it is to BE in the moment, and not miss what’s happening around me right now.  Soaking up sunshine means pouring out all of me into the relationships with people in the place where I am living, whether it’s in South Sudan or El Paso, Texas, USA. 

Life is about learning.  I want to be a lifelong learner.  Constantly soaking up new information to then share it with others.  And just as I learned new things everyday under the sun of Toposaland, I also learn, or re-learn, things here on a daily basis.

Things like how…there are such things as tape dispensers.  They cut tape perfectly straight on the edge.  Or that...hotels offer complimentary toiletries to guests.  If you forget something, it’s ok!  They’ll help you out.  And even some things that make me long for Sudan…like the fact that light pollution here makes the night sky less starry and the moon foggier than in Sudan, where the moon is like a spotlight in the sky and the stars really are like diamonds.

So, here’s to fading tan lines and new adventures and old stories and new sunshine!  Here’s to learning and learning more and sharing and sharing more!  Here’s to following Jesus—as I am, right where I am!

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord, not for men”  

Colossians 3:23

“May His name endure forever; may it continue as long as the sun.  Then all nations will be blessed through Him, and they will call Him blessed.”  

Psalm 72:17

how GREAT is our GOD!

"Great and marvelous are Your deeds, Lord God Almighty.  Just and true are Your ways, King of the ages.  Who will not fear You, O Lord, and bring glory to Your name?  For You alone are holy.  All nations will come and worship before You, for Your righteous acts have been revealed."

Revelation 15:3-4 

The Lord protected Jonathan and Holly Lesley and my translator Charles' family as they evacuated from South Sudan yesterday.  There is a rebel leader that has threatened the town of Kapoeta, and he told the UN to get all foreigners out of the area.

Last night, I know that an army of prayer warriors knelt before the Sovereign God on their behalf as they drove from the compound to Lokichoggio, Kenya.  At one point they were stuck in the mud, but God worked through that and freed the truck from the mud.  They have safely crossed the border, and I just want to declare from the depths of my soul that it is only by HIS POWER and HIS GRACE that it is so.

How great is our God?  Greater than we can ever know.  Please continue in the battle with me through prayer for all of my friends in the Kapoeta area.  Pray that the God whose deeds are forever just and true would demonstrate His power in this area.  That all people, from Toposa schoolboys to SPLA soldiers, from the rebel leader David Yau Yau to the Kenyans still in the area, would fear the Lord and seek Him and cry out to Him in this time of great need.

He is a great God, and there is no need too great, no earthly army or spiritual power too strong, no plan too firm, that He cannot meet and conquer and thwart.  His purpose alone remains.  He stands in control, even now.

And He Himself has proclaimed this truth to which I cling, "ALL NATIONS WILL COME AND WORSHIP HIM."  May You, my Great God, be glorified in South Sudan!!!!!

And pray for my heart and the heart of each member of the Toposa team...that in every doubt and fear and worry and through all the tears we would trust in the Great God whose deeds are marvelous all the time.  That we would cling to Him, hold fast to Him, trust completely in Him, for He alone is holy and eternally good.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...Come and see the works of the Lord, the desolations He has brought on the earth.  He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; He breaks the bow and shatters the spear, He burns the shields with fire.  Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.  The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

Psalm 46:1-3, 8-11 

spring in El Paso.

One of the things that I realized since I’ve been back that I didn’t even realize I missed so much in Sudan is…spring.

There is no spring in Sudan, just dry season and rainy season.  Yes, flowers emerge in Sudan after lots of rain, but they are few and sparse.

I went out into the front yard in El Paso the other day to pick up the newspaper (a real newspaper I could hold in my hand!) and was blown away by the glorious smells erupting from every bush and tree and flower that I passed!  I had to pause.  I had to breathe in these splendid smells.  And the beautiful blossoms?  I had to stare.  Each one was ceaselessly dissipating the fresh and real smells of spring and new life and was brilliantly radiating color.

Here's some roses from the backyard!

Spring in El Paso also brought an end to the symphony season.  The final guest conductor for the season was actually the former maestro of the El Paso Symphony Orchestra: Maestro Gurer Aykal.  My grandmother was instrumental in bringing him to El Paso in 1993, and at his first concert, she gave the introduction and I, as a four-year-old, presented the maestro with flowers.   At his final concert in 2004, my grandmother again introduced him, and I again presented him with flowers.

For his special return concert, guess what happened?  The lady in charge of the concert called my grandmother and requested that she introduce him and that her granddaughter, that’s me, give the flowers!

It was very special night.  Getting so dressed up was most of the fun!  When the maestro came back on the first night after his first bow, he saw me and asked, “Is it you?!?!”

            “Yes!” I replied.  Then, he kissed my forehead.  I followed him after his second bow and handed him the flowers!  So wonderful.  So wonderful.

Here's me and my mom on our way to the symphony!

El Paso.  A rare gem located at the intersection of New Mexico, Texas, and Mexico.  Childhood and forever home, no matter where I am or end up. 

The other day I decided I needed me some Scenic Drive, which by the way is the real name of this amazing street in El Paso.  It winds up the side of the mountain and takes you to a breathtaking view of El Paso and Mexico!  I paused up there and read some verses in God’s Word about mountains…and was led to these, absolutely perfect for me right now!

“But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”  Isaiah 52:12

“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the tree of the field will clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12

Painted across the mountains in Juarez, Mexico: "The Bible is the truth. Read it."

A view of downtown!

Another thing about El Paso that I LOVE is the culture and the culture means REAL, delicious, serious Mexican food.  Homemade enchiladas was my first meal upon my return.  I ate lunch at La Malinche, a very cute, very Mexican restaurant, on Sunday, and when I got home, my jacket smelled of Mexican food.  And I love it.  Real Mexican food restaurants have that smell to them.  Not just the smell of salsa in the air, but the kind of smell that sinks deep into your clothes.  Mmm…it’s another smell that means home.

And just because she is the most amazing dog in the world...here's Maya!

Lokuru.

I will never forget the day I officially met Lokuru.  We had spent at least an hour joking, chatting, and laughing on the porch with Lokuru and Maria.  It was late afternoon, which meant it was time for them to head back to their village to prepare food for their families.  Maria exited through the gate first, then Lokuru followed, a very pregnant Lokuru, slowly and carefully stepping over the bar of the gate and through the door.  Lokuru turned back toward me, put her hand on her swollen, pregnant middle, and declared, "Nyekiro ka nyapese erai Nakai."  (Or something like it in Toposa.)

She told me that, if the baby was a girl, she was going to name it my name; she would name her baby after me.

On August 15, Lokuru gave birth to a girl.  She named her Alyssa Nakai.  My American name and my Toposa name.  Other nicknames?  Nakoyen, Nakwan, Nyapese ka America.  Tall, white, unmarried girl from America.  Ha!

And then...the day I was sitting beside her in her house, and baby Nakai started crying.  Lokuru picked her up and sang a lullaby to her.  Her own unique lullaby.  Toposa women have a different one for each of their children.  In the lullaby to baby Nakai, Lokuru sang how Nakai (meaning me) is taller than her, is taller than Walker's mother (Carrie!), is taller than all the women.  Then she sort of sings through all of the nicknames...

And I remember that Sunday, when baby Nakai was sick.  We were waiting for people to gather at the tree to hear God's Word.  Lokuru came with sick Nakai, but she had not intended to stay.  She was on her way to another village to visit the witch doctor.  I remember telling her about Jesus' power.  But she did not stay...

Oh!  And the day when I visited the rest of my Toposa family!  Lokuru directed Mindy and I to her mother's village.  I went in and greeted my grandmother and aunts and uncles and... My grandmother gave me a whole gourd filled with sesame seeds!  It was a treat to see more of Lokuru's family and get a glimpse of where she spent her childhood.

Grandma, Aunt, Lokuru, Uncle

A few months later, a team from America came and shared stories from God's Word in the area by Lokuru's village.  She and many other of our close friends from her village heard the Gospel, and she claimed that she believed in Jesus!  Carrie was careful to explain that belief in Jesus means a commitment to follow Him and forsake all others.  She discussed, especially with Lokuru and a few others in mind, that saying "yes!" to Jesus involves turning away from witchcraft.  These women were baptized that day in the river nearby.  I remember hearing the news and rejoicing...

And then Lokuru was sick, always sick, and I saw her less and less as she stayed home more often.  I made it a point to visit her when I was in the village.  Sometimes, I just sat next to her while she slept.  I played games with Nakai, or chatted with my Toposa brothers and sisters.  One day, as Lokuru slept in her house, I drew pictures in the dirt, while my Toposa siblings sat on their mat guessing what I was drawing.  I remember telling them simple stories from His Word too!

In January, I said goodbye to Lokuru, my Toposa mother.  And I told my siblings goodbye.  I told them I would pray for them all, and how I would be sad.  I left Toposaland, and Mindy remained behind.  She told me that Lokuru was getting sicker every day.  Lokuru lost more weight, was emaciated, and looked like skin and bones.  I prayed, for it was all I could do.  I trusted her heart to God; He alone knows if she surrendered her life fully to Christ that day with the volunteer team.  I prayed for peace.  I prayed that God's power would be seen and that God would be glorified.

Lokuru passed away on Tuesday evening, April 9th.  And I am sad.  I wish I could be there to love on her children.  No, I couldn't hug them or cry with them--that is not part of Toposa culture.  But I could be there.

But since I can't, I am ever grateful to the One who is there.  Of course, I hope Lokuru is jumping and clapping and singing with Jesus right now... But again, I can do nothing but trust the Lord with what I don't know.

Please pray with me for her five children: Lomana, Lomurco, Nakato, Lokwar, and Nakai.  Pray that God would provide for their needs.  Pray for comfort for them, for the villagers, for me.  Pray that God is glorified in her village.  Pray that her children grow up in a place where they will hear the Word of God.  Thank you.

Nakai resting during a wedding

Lomurco, Lokuru, (a friend), and little Nakai

Me with Lomurco and Nakato

life on this side of the atlantic.

There is a frame on the wall in my room here in the states.  The quote is perfect for right now:

"I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world."

A journeyman friend compared her return to America to that of the four hobbits to the Shire in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.  The four hobbits sit at their favorite pub, sipping their drinks.  It is quiet.  They look at each other.  They are back to everything they knew before to be safe and familiar, and yet every person around them has no idea and no understanding what they went through, what their adventure was like.  I often feel the same.

This morning, for example, I started talking to my dog in Toposa.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  Then it hit me: "Oh, I am talking to Maya in Toposa."  She understands some Spanish commands, but I knew that Toposa was definitely beyond her.  But I thought, "Why not?!?!?"  So I proceeded to talk to carry on a one-sided conversation with her for five minutes.

Maybe I need to go back to the bush?

Some of the changes I've noticed since being back in my Shire...
1) I don't have to switch gears when I drive.  My car does it automatically.
2) Other drivers follow the rules here!  And pedestrians do too!
3) I don't have to calculate different exchange rates in my head when I purchase something.
4) I personally have to fill up my gas tanks in my car at the station again.  Boo.
5) My tan lines are fading.  I keep myself in long-sleeves and pants, because...
6) It is freezing here.  Ok, not freezing, but I am seriously cold all the time.
7) Water with ice is too cold.
8) I have not seen one goat or sheep or cow since being home.
9) I don't have to wash ziploc baggies and reuse them.
10) Life is easy here.  I refer to daily routines, like going to the restroom.  In Sudan, it takes watchful eyes to avoid thorns and keep an eye out for snakes.  Then, I need to be sure and kill the mango flies that are resting on the toilet seat, and then I can carry out my business.  Here, I walk five feet, and go!

What have I been doing since I've been back?

These were the signs that people held when they greeted at the airport.  Thank you everyone from my family, friends, and church who showed up!  It was wonderfully overwhelming to be welcomed like that.

 My brother, Colin, and his fiancee, Sarah, came to El Paso to welcome me home!  We got to celebrate Sarah's birthday at Billy Crews restaurant.

 My parents

Me and my sister, Char

I went to Houston for a visit!

 Having Thai tea with Melissa, a best friend from high school, and one of her friends

 I went to an old bookstore...a house filled top to bottom with books!  A dream come true  :)

The visit to Houston also included a visit to Beaumont to see family!  I celebrated my 25th birthday with them!  Here's my aunt, Colleen, and cousin, Emma.  Colleen made that sign for me...it's beautiful! Thanks, Neena!

 Soon to be sister-in-law Sarah made me this cheesecake!!!  Thank you!

 Emma, all grown-up and gorgeous!

My grandparents, Bobber and Gigi, were such awesome hosts.  They made my birthday great.

We had Missions Weekend at my church in El Paso.  This is how much money was raised for missions!!!!!  Praise the Lord.

I've also done some shopping since I left all my Sudan clothes in Sudan.  

I feel pretty and like a girl again!  Here are a few pictures of Easter with my family:

 Christian, my other brother, came home!

People have asked if I am adjusted to life in the states yet.  My answer?  No.  It's going to take a while. I'm still processing a lot of things and also trying to figure out how to live here after spending two years in Toposaland.  Also, lots of praying and waiting on God to see where He'll take me next.  Life here is good, though, and I am where I am supposed to be for now.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us..."  2 Corinthians 2:14 

detour.

On the way back to America, I took a little detour to visit a dear friend from college, Sarah, and her husband, Alessandro, in Milan, Italy.

I flew in over the Alps, all snowy and glorious!

A very, very early morning train ride to Tuscany where Ale's family lives

 Driving around Pistoia

And then off to Siena, my favorite town in Italy, where Ale and Sarah picked out photos for their wedding album and I meandered around and took pics.  

Pistoia on a lovely Sunday morning

Then, our train back to Milan was delayed two hours, so we hopped on an earlier one.  We barely got seats in the aisle, where Sarah thought it smelled terrible.  I guess the toilet breeze flows more in the aisles than in the booths!

We got back late that night, and the next few days I spent wandering around in the city of Milan.  Here's the Duomo.  Makes me think of drizzle castles in the sand!

I just love old castles, crumbling walls, and plants growing in rubble!

It was a splendid detour over to Milan, and I am so glad that I got to spend time with the Martinis!  Thank you again, Ale and Sarah, for letting me jump into your world for a few days!