sometimes it's hard to see.

Sometimes it is hard to see what you are not looking for, and sometimes when you look too closely, you miss what is right in front of you.

Me holding Maria's sister's baby.  Maria is Carrie's close Toposa friend.  The baby is named Francis after Benton.  (And Benton is named Francis in Toposa after the chief in Paringa.)

Did you get all of that?  :)

The quoted sentence at the top of the blog came about as an epiphany as Whitney and I discussed the rats that live in the fence behind our kitchen and periodically emerge to gather little morsels in the dirt or seek out crumbs in our kitchen.  You see, Chunks, the big fat one has made many appearances and escaped many of Whitney’s arrows.  But…we found out today that there is a Mrs. Chunks, and that there may even be little Chunky, Chunkette, and Chunkamia.  That’s right.  A whole rat family!

Well, looking at the fence without looking for rats, it is very easy to miss them.  We’ve been looking for Chunks every day and missed seeing his family that has also been there with him in the fence.  And then, two days ago, as we were looking so intently at the fence to wait for one of the family to come out, we completely missed Chunks chilling on the cement block closer to where we were standing.  When we finally took notice of him, that’s when he also took notice of us and ran straight back home.  Boo.

I learned yesterday that this whole idea of seeing is also applicable when it comes to learning a new language.  To give you a glimpse of what I am doing and learning and thinking about and trying my very best to comprehend and figure out and get, I am going to write out the basic conjugations for the past, present, and future tenses of the Toposa verb for “go”……

Past:

Ayaka ta ayong.	I have gone. (I went.)
Alosit ta ayong.	I have gone (and returned).
Ayakasi ta asua.	We have gone.
Losito ta asua.	We have gone (and returned).
Ayaka ta ingesi/lo/na.	Person (gender unknown)/He/She has gone.
Alosit ta ingesi/lo/na.	Person (gender unknown)/He/She has gone (and returned).
Ayakasi ta ikesi.	They have gone.
Losito ta ikesi.	They have gone (and returned).
Ayaka ta iyong.	You have gone.
Alosit ta iyong.	You have gone (and returned).
Ayakasi ta iyesi.	You all have gone.
Losito ta iyesi.	You all have gone (and returned).

Present:

Alosi ayong.	I am going.
Losio asua.	We are going.
Alosi ingesi/lo/na.	Person (gender unknown)/He/She is going.
Lote ikesi.	They are going.
Alosi iyong.	You are going.
Losio iyesi.	You all are going.

Future:

Alosi moi ayong.	I will go.
Losio moi asua.	We will go.
Alosi moi ingesi/lo/na.	Person (gender unknown)/He/She will go.
Lote moi ikesi.	They will go.
Alosi moi iyong.	You will go.
Lote moi iyesi.	You all will go.

Maybe you can see what I am missing?  :)

I think my best shot is to learn this and then run with it, whether or not I ever figure out the pattern!  (By the way, if you happen to be able to do so from this info, please inform me immediately!)

And today marks exactly one month in Sudan.  Time flies when you’re having fun and working hard and doing so many new things all the time!  The thing that I have learned the most this month? That with Him and His strength and His sufficient grace, I can handle anything.  I have also learned that without Him, I am pretty much a ball of mush.  But because of His great mercy and love, I am a mushy ball, a common, simple clay pot, that is then able to display that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from me.  Think about it!  God, the Ultimate Potter, has brought this clay pot to Sudan to show that He is God.  I do not understand that all the time.  And I probably have not even come close to grasping it.  But it is God who is at work here.  It is God who is at work inside of me and around me and through me.  Thank You, Lord, for the opportunity to be here with You!!!

God is teaching me to look for Him in ways and places and through things that I have never thought to look for Him before.  And on the other hand, He is teaching me to sit back and let Him open my eyes to things that I could not see no matter how hard I try. 

Open my eyes, that I may see 

glimpses of truth thou hast for me; 

place in my hands the wonderful key 

that shall unclasp and set me free. 

Silently now I wait for thee, 
ready, my God, thy will to see. 

Open my eyes, illumine me, Spirit divine! 

Open my ears, that I may hear 

voices of truth thou sendest clear; 

and while the wavenotes fall on my ear, 

everything false will disappear. 

Silently now I wait for thee, 

ready, my God, thy will to see. 

Open my ears, illumine me, Spirit divine! 

Open my mouth, and let me bear 

gladly the warm truth everywhere;

open my heart and let me prepare 

love with thy children thus to share. 

Silently now I wait for thee, 

ready, my God, thy will to see. 

Open my heart, illumine me, Spirit divine! 

 This one is for Nana and Sonny!  Here is my windchime!  I hung it from the wood beams above my kitchen area.  Really does make me think of you all when it chimes!  Love you!

Two girls we waved to as we picked up a passenger from their village.

learning to imitate a rubber band.

If there's one thing I have learned and re-learned from every time I have been to Africa (and now as I live here), it is flexibility.  We have a normal schedule for each week, but the weeks never look the same.  And that's totally ok!  I like schedules, but I am finding more and more that I also really like change, even though sometimes it is scary.  I think I like it, because it makes me rely on Jesus, the One who never EVER changes.  What a comforting thought!  Anyway...

*Some school kids at the Paringa Primary School, the school that is near to the compound.*

This week I...took a baby with an ear infection to a clinic 30 minutes away, watched a snake be killed, watched Chunky (or Chunks or Chunkster) the rat escape Whitney's arrow again and again and again, learned more language, learned more about the Toposa view of women, learned about the very negative stigma that AIDS has in the Toposa culture, made French fries and popcorn using oil, got over 60 bug bites, worked in a Toposa garden, memorized the first AIDS curriculum story, told the story of Noah in a school (in a culture where the rainbow is considered evil, the word rainbow also means Satan, because they see it as an end to the rain and this is bad for crops), heard the mournful cries of a widow in a nearby village where the sub-chief passed away, was cussed at by little girls at the fence, drove to Kapoeta again this time with Toposa and American passengers (finally got my start to be un-bumpy, that is...after giving Davis a busted lip and the Toposa women a little scare with a big bump...Davis forgave me and he is totally fine), saw so many new things looking through the Old Testament now through the Toposa worldview (it's crazy how so much of what God says to the Israelites could be spoken to the Toposa today-but not so crazy, because God knows every heart, every tribe and desires that all peoples come to know Him!), spent 30 minutes with Whitney and Emmanuel trying to figure out how to translate the people of Israel in a way that the Toposa would understand it was like God's tribe, watched the movie Sahara with the team and some Toposa kids, tried and succeeded at sending texts from skype, got three more proposals, and laughed a lot.  

And that's all I can remember in this moment.  

Learning to imitate a rubber band.  It stings a little sometimes, but being stretched and made more flexible is good.  Learning what it means to rest in His hands.  Best place to be.  The only place to be.

a day in the life.

The following is my schedule from Wednesday, June 15th:

6:00am--Wake up to spend time with the Lord.  Still a little dark, but the sun starts rising around 6:20ish.  Gorgeous.
8:15am--Walk over to the kitchen area to make breakfast.  This morning I ate have of a roll with red plum jam on it, a gala apple (saved until now from Nairobi!), and some peanut butter from Zambia (more on that in a later post).
9:00am--Emmanuel comes over and Shannon, Carrie, Whitney, and I sit down with him in our kitchen area and learn the Toposa language.  Vocab, sentences, culture, really whatever we feel we want to learn that day!
11:00am--Language lesson over, so time for review--flashcards, drawings, conversations, practice with people at the fence, and repetition, repetition, repetition!
12:00pm--Lunch with the whole team--beans, ugali, and cabbage
1:00-3:00pm--Worked with Shannon and Carrie on my goals for the rest of the year.  I have four!  One for the homeschooling part of the job, one for adapting the AIDS curriculum, one for teaching the AIDS curriculum and training leaders to do so as well, and one for storying through The Word in a women's Bible study and in a classroom at a nearby school.  Finalized these today!
3:00-4:00pm--Back to the kitchen area.  Worked with Emmanuel and Whitney on some of the AIDS stories.  Learning culture from him and teaching him the curriculum at the same time.  (Just so you know, he totally remembered the stories and the lessons learned from them this morning!  Hooray!  I love this oral culture.)
4:00-6:00pm--Walked out to Regina and Regina's nyamana (garden) and weeded and tilled the ground with my hands and a stick.  Wish you could have seen the sky and the view on the walk up and the view from their garden.  Picture a dirt road with two ruts for the car wheels.  These ruts are dark mud, while the raised parts on the sides are covered with light tan medium sized rocks.  We walked in the ruts, except where it was really muddy and then we moved up on top of the rocks.  The road took a slight incline, as the altitude increased!  We arrived at the garden, which is surrounded by thorns branches, a fence!  We walked through the nyekidor (gate), which was a thorn branch easily moved to the side.  Now, for the garden imagine a field splattered with those light tan rocks, dark dirt, and little hints of green.  The green are the sorghum sprouts!  Their main crop here!  There are three trees that provide shade for the women/children who are watching the garden, making sure no birds or goats get in.  We got down in the dirt by the younger Regina and weeded and tilled the ground, making sure to go around the sorghum sprout.  Picture the sun up in front of us, on its downward path for the night.  And the sky?  Cloudless and blue.  All around on the outside of the garden are low desert-like plants.  And off in the distance are the tops of green acacia trees and on the horizon are the Dadinga Mountains.  Breathless.  I can't believe I get to be here and live life with these people.  (And in case you were wondering...yes, the work in the garden was super tiring.  Exhausting.  These women are so strong.)
6:00-8:00pm--A walk back down the road and across the river to the compound.  Whitney and I reheated some delicious peas, soy-based spaghetti sauce (instead of hamburger meat, we used minced soy!  pretty good!), and cooked some noodles!  Oh, and leftover peaches from a can.  So good.
8:00pm--Shannon, Carrie, Whitney, and I walked back across the river at night.  Carrie joked about if we felt anything brush against us in the little stream to keep walking, because it's probably a python.  (But the thing is, I don't think she was joking.  Seriously.)  We walked to a village just off the river.  Now, picture night.  Full moon in the sky, almost making it unnecessary to have a flashlight.  Almost.  A little path of that same dark dirt up to another thorn branch fence surrounding the village (can't remember the name, but it's Lopim and Lokware's village--two precious little guys!)  Picture little houses and granaries and kitchens of thick branches and grasses.  See in the middle of the village a tall tree.  And just beside the tree is where we circled up.  Emmanuel (our language tutor) led us in worship songs.  See the people, kids, women, and a few men (a lot of men are still at cattle camp) coming out and gathering around as we sing.  Look up!  There's the full moon up on the right, high in the sky, providing us with more than sufficient light to see without flashlights.  Faces, theirs and ours, were very visible.  We sat down in the dirt with them.  A little girl next to me, kept smiling at me.  Eventually, she leaned her head on my shoulder.  Smile.  (oh, and this is after she discovered my mole on my left arm!  They think it is so funny!  What they don't know is that they have freckles and moles too, they are just hidden.  Not as visible as mine on my very white skin!)  We listened to the Proclaimer with them.  This is a radio that has the New Testament voice recorded on it in Turkana, which is a sister language to Toposa.  We listened to 1 John 4.  Check out that chapter!!!  It's so what the Toposa needed to hear.  All about false spirits that cause people to follow them and force them to live in fear.  God's perfect love drives out fear.   Then, Shannon led the discussion.  They learned a lot!  We prayed and sang another song.
10:00pm--Arrived back on the compound and, on the way to the shower, saw a lunar eclispse!!!!  YES!!  Apparently, it was over by the time night reached America, so you all back in the states missed it!  It was really cool.  That full moon became darkened by the earth's shadow.  Light red-ish color.  Awe-some.
11:30pm--Tried to fall asleep.  Was really tired, but had to push pass the noises outside.  This time it was singing and pounding on sleeping animal skin mats.  The people were afraid of the eclispse, thinking it was the end of the world.  Please pray for us as we talk with the people about this.  All of them were terrified.  Some cried out to God, while others beat their mats to rid them of the evil spirits.  Pray for clarity on how to discuss this with the people.  That they'd see with God, they need have no fear of the end of the world.

And that's a day in the life of me, a servant of Most High God living in the bush in the area of Paringa, Sudan.

Pictures!

 Gorgeous, breathtaking, had-to-grab-my-camera-so-you-could-see sunset through the trees on the compound.

My dirty feet after walking across the river twice in one day.  Not too shabby, but still pretty muddy!  See my Chaco tan?  And my flip-flop tan coming in too?

Training in Zambia Story #1: Woman Made Well

Our daily field assignment (DFA) for this day was to visit a sick person or a family who recently lost a family member.  My partner and I visited Sick Woman.  She has heart problems and kidney problems.  She had been to the clinic and hospital, but her family does not have the funds to allow her to have surgery.  She had been on this sick mat in a small dark room for about one year.  After asking her questions relating to health and death issues in her culture, we asked her if she knew who Jesus was.  She said that she had heard of Jesus but did not know her story. 

God opened the door for His truth to reach her heart.  My partner and I shared the story of the gospel, starting with creation and moving on to Jesus’ life, death, burial, and resurrection.  All the while, we kept asking her if she understood; she was listening so intently.  She asked how she could follow Christ, and we explained to her that if she confesses with her mouth that “Jesus is Lord” and believes in her heart that God raised her from the dead she will be saved.  She understood the true story of Jesus Christ and prayed with us right there, putting her faith in Jesus as her Lord and Savior.  The sick woman became the Woman Made Well.

Her daughter was overjoyed!  She and her own daughter were listening this whole time, and they themselves are believers.   They had actually shared stories from the Bible with this woman, but she never wanted to listen and still had not heard the truth, her eyes had not yet been opened.  She explained that it was God who brought us to the house that day to tell the story of Jesus to her mother.  She thanked us several times and promised to continue reading to her mother from the Bible.  Our Zambian helper, who did such a great job translating for us, also said that she would bring her women’s group from the nearby church so that they could encourage her in her faith.

Praise the Lord!!!

This Woman Made Well may not live much longer in this life.  But because of His unfailing mercy, grace, and love, she will live forever with Him.  Her body may be more unhealthy at this time than ever before, but her soul is clean and whole and pure before God.  Praise His Holy Name!!!  Praise the Great Healer!!!

when life hands you dakdaks, make stone soup.

Dakdak (n.)-the Toposa word for bump in the road

Learned this word travelling back from Nasikal where we tried for the third time but did not meet the commissioner.  (We finally met him yesterday, and he opened wide the door for us to do AIDS ministry in this area.  Pretty exciting!  Plus, it was good to meet with a government official face-to-face!)

It has been raining the past couple of days, and this morning when I got up to read my Bible, rain came pouring down for at least 15 minutes.  Joy!!!

More problems with what we thought were our solar panels actually turned out to be a problem with our refrigerator.  So, yes, before you ask, we have gone two days without full power, and, yes, there have been some food causalities. 

But first, I must tell you about another smell besides that of the old, moldy food.  It was definitely dead flesh.  Carrie, Whitney, the boys, and I tried to find out what it was, but it was Shannon who removed the electric outlet where flies were swarming and found the two dead lizards inside the outlet!  Nasty.

Well, our fridge revealed white and pink cucumbers, gray fuzzy macaroni cheese casserole, bluish beans, white tomatoes, grayish green beans, and other things that I would rather not remember. 

And our freezer held nothing frozen anymore.  The one chicken I had bought in Nairobi had leaked bloody juice all over the freezer.  So we had one solution: make chicken that night!

Whitney and I boiled the chicken in one pot and poured an onion, some good beans (from the night before that had an innumerable and probably unable to be replicated amount of wonderful spices), a can of peas, some noodles, and some spices into another pot of boiling water.  We mixed it all together after it was cooked and tasted our creation.  It was delicious.  Best soup ever.  And we called it Dakdak Stone Soup, because when life hands you dakdaks, you make stone soup.

Other minor dakdaks, that are quite comical and actually just other things that lead me to reliance on God, are the bat and mouse that abide in our bathroom and our washing machine that only works when it is off-balance. 

And right now, the bugs are getting to me, as in they are biting me and becoming annoying.  My instinct is to get angry and to complain, or it’s to get prideful and pat myself on the back and then claim that I am really suffering for Christ.  I was doing that for a few minutes when Jesus reminded me of what He taught me this morning. 

Hebrews 3:1-2, 6

“Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.  He was faithful to the one who appointed Him…But Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house.  And we are His house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.”

Hebrews 12:1-3

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author or perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Ten bugs that fly at my face are NOTHING compared to what Christ suffered for me.  This is not suffering.  This is just a little bit of discomfort and an inconvenience.  I love what Elizabeth Elliot, once a missionary in Ecuador, said about love: “Love is a willingness to be inconvenienced.”  Love is putting others first at all times, no matter what it may cost you.  Christ has called me here and given me a love for the Toposa people.  And I think that I can handle a few bugs in my face.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  (Philippians 4:13)  Not that if I couldn’t take the bugs, God could not still reach the Toposa people without me.  Because He so can!  But I think He is teaching me in the smallest of ways what it really means to love like He loves. 

I made myself fix my thoughts and my eyes on Jesus, and I prayed that instead this becomes my instinct, my first reaction always.   That I would turn to Him, and remember His sacrifice for me, remember His faithfulness to suffer mocking and beatings and a crown of thorns and a pierced side and the cross for my sake.  To remember his endurance, that I will not lose heart.

After all, when life hands you dakdaks, be it in the form of no electricity, creatures around toilets, or little annoying bugs, you just have to make stone soup.  And who knows, maybe God is teaching you something new about Himself or leading you closer to His side or molding and shaping you to be more like Him. 

And even though it might be hard to come up with and uncomfortable to try…

It might be the best soup you have ever tasted.

PICTURES:

1) Muddy sign on side of truck

2) First time to make bread from scratch!

3) Walker on couch in kitchen area

4) Clothesline with kitchen area in background

5) Moldy macaroni casserole—eeew.

6) Giant bug!

7) Davis with Whitney and I on his 9^th birthday--we had a scavenger hunt for him (hence the sticky notes of places on the compound) and his prize is in his hand!

8) Geniet cat in tree on the compound--it has been attacking the chickens and was chased up a tree by the boys at 4:00am this morning—really pretty but it had to go!

9) Determined fighting jenet cat gang

10) Edwin using his slingshot in the tree

11) A close-up after it was killed

12) The skin of the geniet cat—our language helper took the meat home for a feast!

however long the night, the dawn will break.

I am writing this by headlamp light as it was really cloudy all day and rained some, causing our solar batteries for electricity to receive no charge.  Praise the Lord for rain!

I sit in the darkness and yet have such a peace.  Today, during team devotional, we looked at 1 John 2:1-14.  We talked a lot about those who pretend to walk in the light but really walk in darkness.  Will there be days when we won’t want to love the Toposa people?  If we answer honestly, yes.  We’re human.  But, if we live as servants of Christ, love should be our motivation and our instinct. 

“But if anyone obeys His word, God’s love is truly made complete in him.  This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.” (verses 5-6)

And how did Jesus walk? 

“Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, bit the Son of Man has no palce to lay His head.’”  Luke 9:58

“And He said, ‘The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and He must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.’”  Luke 9:22

“‘Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not my will, but Yours be done.’”  Luke 22:42

“‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’”  Luke 23:34

Two months exactly.  That is how long I have not been on this continent.  Time has gone so slowly, and yet, it has flown by.  How much can I do in the year and a half that I have left?  What impact can I have on the Toposa community?  What will last?  What legacy will I leave behind?

“In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”  Matthew 5:16

“Then He said to them all: ‘If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.’”  Luke 9:23

“I tell you the truth unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves is life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves Me must follow Me; and where I am, my servant also will be.  My Father will honor the one who serves Me.”  John 12:24-26

My prayer is that God gives me His eyes to see the Toposa the way that He sees them.  To see them like sheep without a shepherd.  Driving down the road today we passed by many herds of sheep and goats that scattered the moment they heard the car coming.  That is how the Toposa are!  That is how all who are lost are.  There is no clear direction, no kind yet firm leader, no real or lasting satisfaction, no enduring hope.  That He’d give me His eyes to see their need for Him and to see how to best meet that need.  That He’d break my heart for the Toposa and reveal creative ways of sharing His truth with them.

I still do not know what the AIDS curriculum is going to look like out there in the Toposa villages.  Or what women’s Bible studies I might help start or participate in.  Or how I fit exactly into the whole hope for planting churches among those in Toposaland.  

But this I do know:

“At one time [I] too [was] foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. [I] lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating [others]. But when the kindness and love of God [my] Savior appeared, He saved [me], not because of righteous things [I] had done, but because of His mercy. He saved [me] through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on [me] generously through Jesus Christ [my] Savior, so that, being justified by His grace, [I] might become [an] heir having the hope of eternal life.”  Titus 3:3-7

As Jesus’ servant, my goal is to “be subject to [my] master in everything” “so that in every way [I] will make the teaching about God [my] Savior attractive” (Titus 2:9-10).

For you see, He has led me to pray that I would make His “name and renown” the constant desire of my heart and that I would desire Him and thirst after Him like a deer thirsts for water (Isaiah 26:8-9, Ps. 42).  If I live for His glory, He will be the One at work and He will be the legacy I leave behind.  With Him as my goal, He will be the One to show up and show off as He moves among the Toposa people.  I am so thrilled that He has invited me on this journey with Him.

It is still very dark here as I write this.  But I am thinking of an African proverb I learning at training in Virginia:  “However long the night, the dawn will break.” 

God is on the move.  And it is awesome that I get to be here to see Him do so.

P.S. Just woke up after a cool and restful night of sleep!  Thank you for your prayers!

victory!

I drove all the way to Kapoeta in the truck!  And then drove around town, exchanged money, got diesel for the truck (super expensive!  Good thing it’s reimbursable!), bought veggies in the market, and drove all the way back to Paringa.  With God’s strength, and much help directionally from Davis and help in standard driving from Whitney. 

I have to admit.

It was pretty fun. 

I am looking at a week ahead that includes a visit on Monday to the commissioner (hopefully, if he returns tomorrow from being out of town) to present the AIDS curriculum and our ideas of how to teach it in the community to him, more language learning, planning how we are going to go about adapting the curriculum to the Toposa, more cultural learning, and a continual dependence on the Lord in all things.

Just got back from church at night under a tree under the stars.  Sang many songs with Toposa believers, saw two falling stars, and heard the story of Abraham and Isaac and Abraham’s faithfulness to obey and trust God completely.  Staring at the stars that were an example of God’s promise to Abraham, about his descendants being as numerous as the stars, adds a whole new meaning to the story.  Praying that those who heard the story understood and will continue to think about what it means for them today.