spring in El Paso.

One of the things that I realized since I’ve been back that I didn’t even realize I missed so much in Sudan is…spring.

There is no spring in Sudan, just dry season and rainy season.  Yes, flowers emerge in Sudan after lots of rain, but they are few and sparse.

I went out into the front yard in El Paso the other day to pick up the newspaper (a real newspaper I could hold in my hand!) and was blown away by the glorious smells erupting from every bush and tree and flower that I passed!  I had to pause.  I had to breathe in these splendid smells.  And the beautiful blossoms?  I had to stare.  Each one was ceaselessly dissipating the fresh and real smells of spring and new life and was brilliantly radiating color.

Here's some roses from the backyard!

Spring in El Paso also brought an end to the symphony season.  The final guest conductor for the season was actually the former maestro of the El Paso Symphony Orchestra: Maestro Gurer Aykal.  My grandmother was instrumental in bringing him to El Paso in 1993, and at his first concert, she gave the introduction and I, as a four-year-old, presented the maestro with flowers.   At his final concert in 2004, my grandmother again introduced him, and I again presented him with flowers.

For his special return concert, guess what happened?  The lady in charge of the concert called my grandmother and requested that she introduce him and that her granddaughter, that’s me, give the flowers!

It was very special night.  Getting so dressed up was most of the fun!  When the maestro came back on the first night after his first bow, he saw me and asked, “Is it you?!?!”

            “Yes!” I replied.  Then, he kissed my forehead.  I followed him after his second bow and handed him the flowers!  So wonderful.  So wonderful.

Here's me and my mom on our way to the symphony!

El Paso.  A rare gem located at the intersection of New Mexico, Texas, and Mexico.  Childhood and forever home, no matter where I am or end up. 

The other day I decided I needed me some Scenic Drive, which by the way is the real name of this amazing street in El Paso.  It winds up the side of the mountain and takes you to a breathtaking view of El Paso and Mexico!  I paused up there and read some verses in God’s Word about mountains…and was led to these, absolutely perfect for me right now!

“But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”  Isaiah 52:12

“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the tree of the field will clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12

Painted across the mountains in Juarez, Mexico: "The Bible is the truth. Read it."

A view of downtown!

Another thing about El Paso that I LOVE is the culture and the culture means REAL, delicious, serious Mexican food.  Homemade enchiladas was my first meal upon my return.  I ate lunch at La Malinche, a very cute, very Mexican restaurant, on Sunday, and when I got home, my jacket smelled of Mexican food.  And I love it.  Real Mexican food restaurants have that smell to them.  Not just the smell of salsa in the air, but the kind of smell that sinks deep into your clothes.  Mmm…it’s another smell that means home.

And just because she is the most amazing dog in the world...here's Maya!

Lokuru.

I will never forget the day I officially met Lokuru.  We had spent at least an hour joking, chatting, and laughing on the porch with Lokuru and Maria.  It was late afternoon, which meant it was time for them to head back to their village to prepare food for their families.  Maria exited through the gate first, then Lokuru followed, a very pregnant Lokuru, slowly and carefully stepping over the bar of the gate and through the door.  Lokuru turned back toward me, put her hand on her swollen, pregnant middle, and declared, "Nyekiro ka nyapese erai Nakai."  (Or something like it in Toposa.)

She told me that, if the baby was a girl, she was going to name it my name; she would name her baby after me.

On August 15, Lokuru gave birth to a girl.  She named her Alyssa Nakai.  My American name and my Toposa name.  Other nicknames?  Nakoyen, Nakwan, Nyapese ka America.  Tall, white, unmarried girl from America.  Ha!

And then...the day I was sitting beside her in her house, and baby Nakai started crying.  Lokuru picked her up and sang a lullaby to her.  Her own unique lullaby.  Toposa women have a different one for each of their children.  In the lullaby to baby Nakai, Lokuru sang how Nakai (meaning me) is taller than her, is taller than Walker's mother (Carrie!), is taller than all the women.  Then she sort of sings through all of the nicknames...

And I remember that Sunday, when baby Nakai was sick.  We were waiting for people to gather at the tree to hear God's Word.  Lokuru came with sick Nakai, but she had not intended to stay.  She was on her way to another village to visit the witch doctor.  I remember telling her about Jesus' power.  But she did not stay...

Oh!  And the day when I visited the rest of my Toposa family!  Lokuru directed Mindy and I to her mother's village.  I went in and greeted my grandmother and aunts and uncles and... My grandmother gave me a whole gourd filled with sesame seeds!  It was a treat to see more of Lokuru's family and get a glimpse of where she spent her childhood.

Grandma, Aunt, Lokuru, Uncle

A few months later, a team from America came and shared stories from God's Word in the area by Lokuru's village.  She and many other of our close friends from her village heard the Gospel, and she claimed that she believed in Jesus!  Carrie was careful to explain that belief in Jesus means a commitment to follow Him and forsake all others.  She discussed, especially with Lokuru and a few others in mind, that saying "yes!" to Jesus involves turning away from witchcraft.  These women were baptized that day in the river nearby.  I remember hearing the news and rejoicing...

And then Lokuru was sick, always sick, and I saw her less and less as she stayed home more often.  I made it a point to visit her when I was in the village.  Sometimes, I just sat next to her while she slept.  I played games with Nakai, or chatted with my Toposa brothers and sisters.  One day, as Lokuru slept in her house, I drew pictures in the dirt, while my Toposa siblings sat on their mat guessing what I was drawing.  I remember telling them simple stories from His Word too!

In January, I said goodbye to Lokuru, my Toposa mother.  And I told my siblings goodbye.  I told them I would pray for them all, and how I would be sad.  I left Toposaland, and Mindy remained behind.  She told me that Lokuru was getting sicker every day.  Lokuru lost more weight, was emaciated, and looked like skin and bones.  I prayed, for it was all I could do.  I trusted her heart to God; He alone knows if she surrendered her life fully to Christ that day with the volunteer team.  I prayed for peace.  I prayed that God's power would be seen and that God would be glorified.

Lokuru passed away on Tuesday evening, April 9th.  And I am sad.  I wish I could be there to love on her children.  No, I couldn't hug them or cry with them--that is not part of Toposa culture.  But I could be there.

But since I can't, I am ever grateful to the One who is there.  Of course, I hope Lokuru is jumping and clapping and singing with Jesus right now... But again, I can do nothing but trust the Lord with what I don't know.

Please pray with me for her five children: Lomana, Lomurco, Nakato, Lokwar, and Nakai.  Pray that God would provide for their needs.  Pray for comfort for them, for the villagers, for me.  Pray that God is glorified in her village.  Pray that her children grow up in a place where they will hear the Word of God.  Thank you.

Nakai resting during a wedding

Lomurco, Lokuru, (a friend), and little Nakai

Me with Lomurco and Nakato

life on this side of the atlantic.

There is a frame on the wall in my room here in the states.  The quote is perfect for right now:

"I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world."

A journeyman friend compared her return to America to that of the four hobbits to the Shire in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.  The four hobbits sit at their favorite pub, sipping their drinks.  It is quiet.  They look at each other.  They are back to everything they knew before to be safe and familiar, and yet every person around them has no idea and no understanding what they went through, what their adventure was like.  I often feel the same.

This morning, for example, I started talking to my dog in Toposa.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  Then it hit me: "Oh, I am talking to Maya in Toposa."  She understands some Spanish commands, but I knew that Toposa was definitely beyond her.  But I thought, "Why not?!?!?"  So I proceeded to talk to carry on a one-sided conversation with her for five minutes.

Maybe I need to go back to the bush?

Some of the changes I've noticed since being back in my Shire...
1) I don't have to switch gears when I drive.  My car does it automatically.
2) Other drivers follow the rules here!  And pedestrians do too!
3) I don't have to calculate different exchange rates in my head when I purchase something.
4) I personally have to fill up my gas tanks in my car at the station again.  Boo.
5) My tan lines are fading.  I keep myself in long-sleeves and pants, because...
6) It is freezing here.  Ok, not freezing, but I am seriously cold all the time.
7) Water with ice is too cold.
8) I have not seen one goat or sheep or cow since being home.
9) I don't have to wash ziploc baggies and reuse them.
10) Life is easy here.  I refer to daily routines, like going to the restroom.  In Sudan, it takes watchful eyes to avoid thorns and keep an eye out for snakes.  Then, I need to be sure and kill the mango flies that are resting on the toilet seat, and then I can carry out my business.  Here, I walk five feet, and go!

What have I been doing since I've been back?

These were the signs that people held when they greeted at the airport.  Thank you everyone from my family, friends, and church who showed up!  It was wonderfully overwhelming to be welcomed like that.

 My brother, Colin, and his fiancee, Sarah, came to El Paso to welcome me home!  We got to celebrate Sarah's birthday at Billy Crews restaurant.

 My parents

Me and my sister, Char

I went to Houston for a visit!

 Having Thai tea with Melissa, a best friend from high school, and one of her friends

 I went to an old bookstore...a house filled top to bottom with books!  A dream come true  :)

The visit to Houston also included a visit to Beaumont to see family!  I celebrated my 25th birthday with them!  Here's my aunt, Colleen, and cousin, Emma.  Colleen made that sign for me...it's beautiful! Thanks, Neena!

 Soon to be sister-in-law Sarah made me this cheesecake!!!  Thank you!

 Emma, all grown-up and gorgeous!

My grandparents, Bobber and Gigi, were such awesome hosts.  They made my birthday great.

We had Missions Weekend at my church in El Paso.  This is how much money was raised for missions!!!!!  Praise the Lord.

I've also done some shopping since I left all my Sudan clothes in Sudan.  

I feel pretty and like a girl again!  Here are a few pictures of Easter with my family:

 Christian, my other brother, came home!

People have asked if I am adjusted to life in the states yet.  My answer?  No.  It's going to take a while. I'm still processing a lot of things and also trying to figure out how to live here after spending two years in Toposaland.  Also, lots of praying and waiting on God to see where He'll take me next.  Life here is good, though, and I am where I am supposed to be for now.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us..."  2 Corinthians 2:14 

detour.

On the way back to America, I took a little detour to visit a dear friend from college, Sarah, and her husband, Alessandro, in Milan, Italy.

I flew in over the Alps, all snowy and glorious!

A very, very early morning train ride to Tuscany where Ale's family lives

 Driving around Pistoia

And then off to Siena, my favorite town in Italy, where Ale and Sarah picked out photos for their wedding album and I meandered around and took pics.  

Pistoia on a lovely Sunday morning

Then, our train back to Milan was delayed two hours, so we hopped on an earlier one.  We barely got seats in the aisle, where Sarah thought it smelled terrible.  I guess the toilet breeze flows more in the aisles than in the booths!

We got back late that night, and the next few days I spent wandering around in the city of Milan.  Here's the Duomo.  Makes me think of drizzle castles in the sand!

I just love old castles, crumbling walls, and plants growing in rubble!

It was a splendid detour over to Milan, and I am so glad that I got to spend time with the Martinis!  Thank you again, Ale and Sarah, for letting me jump into your world for a few days!