sit-ups on cement.

Mindy has arrived!  She is doing great, and I already love her!  She is going to make a WONDERFUL addition to the South Sudan team.  We are different, yet have crazy things in common.  I love how God so beautifully weaves lives together for His glory; He is doing so with our team.  Praise His Name!  Please keep praying for unity.

This afternoon, inspired by Mindy, we took time this afternoon to do fifteen exercises to work our abs on the cement floor of our porch.  You are supposed to do twenty-five of each, but I could only do ten to fifteen.  These abs have not been worked in a while!

In the midst of the motions of lifting feet and swinging arms and the sounds of backs hitting the floor and the contagious laughter, I thought about life recently and how I've kind of been doing a lot of sit-ups on cement.

Every day is different here.  Every event never occurs the same way.  And that has been challenging to adjust to. I like patterns and routines.  I like observing things fall into place and watching people who are readable.  I like being able to expect things.

But Toposaland offers none of those.  No patterns.  No routines (except for teaching school each day).  No happy little me watching things fall into place or watching easy-to-read-and-understand people.  No met expectations=no room for expectations at all.

For example, church at night under the tree by the clinic has, for the past couple of weeks, been us and a few students (the boys’ friends) singing loudly, in hopes of someone hearing and remembering we meet there every Sunday night, and then listening to the New Testament and discussing it for a short time.  I informed Mindy of that on her arrival. 

This Sunday night Shannon and Carrie decided to go to a different area to attend church, led by one of Shannon’s leaders.  They said it was wonderful being able to sit back and watch at church, as the Toposa leaders led worship and the discussion of God’s Word. 

That left me and Mindy at the nearby clinic tree.  We started singing with the same few students when a group came toward us in the dark singing, “Yesu Amina Ayong” (or “Jesus Loves Me,” the Toposa version).  Then, my friend Lokuru came.  And she is deeply into witchcraft and dark things and has been strangely distant lately.  And then, some men came and pulled up a broken bench from the clinic to sit and listen.  

They all listened and heard the truth of the gospel straight from John 3 in God's Word.  The Lord showed me key points to pull out, and they remembered the story!  Tremendously encouraging.

For another example, our Tuesday women’s gathering last week looked like a “no-go” when no one showed up at the time they showed up the previous week.  A few of them ended up coming late, and Carrie gave the lesson anyway, even though not many listened.  

Today, however, the women were on time, and they were ALL there, physically and mentally.  In every capacity.  They led the singing and worship time, Regina singing so loudly and so beautifully.  They answered questions after hearing the story of Hannah and Samuel (which, by the way, fit so appropriately to their culture--multiple wives, importance of children), and one woman was even able to repeat the story to another who came late.  

Sit-ups anywhere are painful.  But fifteen different versions of them fifteen times on cement is even more painful, and I can tell that it is going to take a lot of adjustment.  Yes, I have come far from five months ago, now used to things with the Toposa like being laughed at, commanded to do things, and treated like the ministry I have is less important because I am a woman.  My eyes are now used to watching children pee and poop on my floor, lizards scramble into the depths of my cabinets, and people attempting to jump in the back of Buck the Truck.  

But I know there are many things yet to see and experience.  Some excellent and amazing and incredible beyond my wildest imagination and some I hope I never have to see or go through again.  And the thought of the change continuing is scary.  But I know that I go forward hemmed in behind and before by God Himself.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, and have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart."  2 Corinthians 4:1

Even if I make loud noises in the morning because my muscles are beyond sore, I will press on and do more tomorrow.  I may only be able to do five, or I might be able to twenty-five.  But the only way I will be able to do any sort of sit-ups period, is through His sufficient grace and immutable presence and unfailing strength.

So bring it on, cement!  Through Him, for whom NOTHING is difficult, I can do all things. 

"koroting" undignified.

Last Sunday night, there was a good group of people that came to church under the tree.  The singing was loud and went on for quite a while.  Eventually, people began to jump during the worship songs.  I wrote in my newsletter that Toposa love to sing.  Well, they also love to jump!

When there were enough people present, we formed a circle.  Two by two pairs jumped, to the clapping beat, toward the middle and straight to the people across from them in the circle.  Of course, they continued to choose one of us nyangangos (white people) to jump across the big circle.  In the past, the jumping has gotten out of hand, and the worship time turns to play time (more on that soon).  But last Sunday night, the worship jumping was worship jumping.

I, unlike the Toposa, do not like jumping, especially Toposa jumping.  They jump very high and land flatfooted, with their heals touching the ground.  I've been practicing every time someone takes my arm and commands me to jump, but my feet are just not made to jump like they jump.  Anyway, my jumping self let go in worship and hopped across the circle more times than I could count!  During the worship jumping, I was reminded of this song that my dear friend, Andrea, taught me on a mission trip to southern Mexico:

I will dance
I will sing
To be mad
For my King
Nothing, Lord
Is hindering
This passion in my soul.

And I'll become
Even more
Undignified
Than this
Some may say
It's foolishness
But I'll become
Even more
Undignified
Than this
Leave my pride
By my side
And I'll become
Even more
Undignified
Than this.

And all this is
For You,
My Lord.

To "korot" undignified.  Now, that is a new picture.  Not just dancing, but jumping for Jesus.
Makes me smile!

But Toposa don't just like to jump at church time.  Right now, it is harvest season, and the men have returned from the cattle camps with all of their cattle.  A common thing to see and hear during the day or through the middle of the night is groups of men koroting as we refer to it on the compound.  Men, young men, sometimes young girls and women too, gather together in a large circle.  One by one, they enter the middle of the circle and sing a song about their bulls or children or wives or village.  Then, the group joins them in a very loud and deep sounding, "WHOA, OH, OH!" which then kicks off the group jumping.  Two days ago there was koroting at night and then all day the day after that.  Some of their favorite spots around here to gather and korot and celebrate are right by the compound, so my sleep and my teaching have been punctuated by "OH!"s.

From the high point in the compound, I could see them koroting in the distance.  At one point, they stopped jumping and began some sort of adult hide and seek game while running around with giant sticks and whips and playfully beating each other.  Carrie and I talked about how we will definitely never understand the Toposa.  There is no way we will ever get how running around getting beaten softly after jumping and celebrating a man and his bull is fun and an activity in which one would want to participate often, or rather, at all.

But the beautiful thing is that God gets it.  He understands these people better than they do themselves.  And He desires that they know Him.  He desires their celebrations to be for Him and for His Name.

He desires Toposa koroting for His glory.

So, I'll keep jumping undignified during worship songs that they may see, not me--tall, white, unmarried girl from America jumping around looking like a crazy, non-agile stick lumbering around--but that they may see Him in all the fullness of His glory and realize His desire for their hearts and their worship.

Here's some pictures from this past week:

 Walker's classwork one day, matching colors and shapes to make an owl!

 Me and little Lokinga

 Me with some more kids while visiting friends (we are inside a tukel!)

 My good friend, Natori, had her baby.  She asked us to help name her.  We chose, and she agreed with a huge smile even while lying down in her after-birth pains, to name her Nyarot, after Whitney!

 Here I am with little Nyarot.  She is adorable.

 Yesterday I was cleaning and found a rat's nest behind a frisbee I keep in the corner on the kitchen shelf.  It was composed of mostly pieces from my mop head (which now looks like it has bangs!) and the nice string that was the handle to this flashlight.  Crazy hungry desperate nest-making rats! 

Me making crazy faces with some visitors I had yesterday afternoon.  These girls were so much fun!  They are from Lucy's village and popped over to see me.  We shared water and biscuits, and then I tooks pictures of them and with them to hopefully learn all six of their names so I can call them by them when I see them next! 

Last night this big beetle found his way into my pot of pasta and boiling water.  I scooped him out with my spoon.  No, I did not eat him.  Yes, I ate my pasta after removing him from it!

today I...

-killed a bug with my bare foot; my shoes were too far away.

-was trying to shake a baby bat off my toilet paper roll when Bertha (yes, I have named the bats that "hang out" in the bathroom Bernard and Bertha) came swooping over to save her baby.  I pretty much threw the roll out into the darkness and continued with my business.

-discovered when getting a new toilet paper roll that some sort of creature (mostly likely a rat) has been eating and shredding the extra toilet paper to create for itself a nest inside the basket where I keep the extra toilet paper.  Still don't understand how the rat can fit through the little holes in the basket to devour my tp.  Will be working on figuring out that soon.

-drew a Ford Model-T on the chalkboard (following the instructions in the drawing book of course!).

-chased chickens out the Lewis house and cleaned up poop all over the floor.

-made a family tree starting with Abraham and going all the way to Jacob's twelve sons.

-found out that the new South Sudan visa I have to get will be $400 USD.  Merrrrrr.  Praying that I can get it without having to be in person at a US Embassy.

-helped Carrie with our first women-only gathering on the compound to pray, sing, and listen to God's Word--to do worship together.  It went really well!!!  We had 21 ladies come.  They listened for the one hour while Carrie taught, while enjoying the tea we had made for them.  I held a world map, which they have never seen before, as Carrie used the example of us trying to travel ka nyakajen (by foot) to America.  To do that, we'd need to ask directions!  It's the same with our lives, we need to have direction to go the right way.  And Jesus Himself is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  So to know better how to follow Him, we need to gather together and listen to His Word.

-watched our friends', Lokuru and Maria, faces as they saw Delilah's puppies for the first time today (that's the Lewis' dog--the puppies came on Friday morning!).

-sat during Carrie's talk and watched two babies pee on my porch.  Smile.  What are you gonna do?  One mother got up and retrieved some nearby leaves and sweeped the majority of her child's urine off the porch.  Thoughtful indeed.

-shook an old lady's hand after she wiped her nose with it and ate pumpkin with it.  Yummy.

What a day, what a day!
Just though you might want a little glimpse into Tuesday in Paringa, South Sudan.

worth it.

A song from a day when God taught me, through my interactions with the Toposa, how much He loves:

Walking to go see a friend
People calling out every now and then
Wanting to say hello
It took longer than she thought
Stopping to greet so off and on
And as she greeted, the Holy Spirit spoke:

CHORUS:
Jesus thinks they're worth it
Worth a greeting by the hand
Jesus thinks they're worth it
He'll give to them though they won't give back
Jesus thinks they're worth it
Even though they don't call on His Name
Jesus died in their place
They are the reason He came.

Back home from where she went
A girl calls from the fence
Wanting more than a hello
Give me that bucket there
If not, give me your soap to spare
And as she gave, the Holy Spirit spoke:

CHORUS:
Jesus thinks she's worth it
Worth a greeting by the hand
Jesus thinks she's worth it
He'll give to her though she won't give back
Jesus thinks she's worth it
Even though she won't call on His Name
Jesus died in her place
She is the reason He came.

Church did not happen that night
A wounded man from another drunk fight
No time to say hello.
Instead, turning to their ancestors
Always relying on witch doctors
And as she watched them, desperately cry out,
She just had to, open her mouth:

CHORUS:
Jesus thinks you're worth it
Worth a greeting by the hand
Jesus thinks you're worth it
He'll give to you though you won't give back
Jesus thinks you're worth it
Even though you don't call on His Name
Jesus died in your place
Yes, you are the reason He came

And because Jesus loves you...
I'll greet
I'll give
I'll teach the gospel
Because I think you're worth it too.

oh how He makes me laugh.

Last Tuesday I was…

Having a funny stomach day.

Sick with a head cold.

Exhausted.

Voiceless.

And yet that was the day, completely unplanned from my end, that God chose for me to share the gospel.

Oh how He makes me laugh!

Just when I think I have it all figured out.  I got this storying thing down.  I am checking off stories and approaching the end.  That’s when God takes my voice away.  And I was so frustrated and tired and just plain not feeling well all over.  But I had to go.  Next story.  Off to share about the Samaritan who loved his hurting enemy on the side of the road by bandaging his wounds, carrying him to a safe place, and providing for his needs.  Off to tell those gathered by the borehole in Nataragat about Jesus who loved an outcast among his own people—the unclean, dirty, and untouchable leper—by touching him and healing him completely. 

I got there and quickly realized as the school kids starting singing some praise songs that it would strain what little voice I did have to even whisper songs.  And I came to tell two stories from God’s Word!  Lucy came a little after that; she was sorry about my voice.  I told her, it doesn’t really matter, seeing as how the people won’t really be listening to me but to her and her Toposa.  She laughed.

So I told the stories and asked the questions.  Silly me for trying to stick to my routine.  (Haven’t I learned yet that letting go is the best and only way!!  God keeps teaching me this.  And I will probably keep learning it for the rest of my life!)  It was going good.  I drew pictures of the road where the Israelite man was robbed, and I explained in detail about the view of lepers in that culture.  They understood!

And that’s when Lucy’s father began to talk.  He is a Catholic, as many of those listening are, but only one on the surface.  Beneath his rosary and recited prayers, his heart belongs to his witchcraft and ancestor worship and life of fear from evil spirits.

First, he talked about the crossing himself in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I asked him what that meant to him.  He explained, I think, that it is a greeting for God (and he does it often because he believes it must be done this way).  I told him that’s a good way to greet God but that it is not required to greet God.  There are other ways to come before the Father.  In fact, there are many ways!  God wants us to come as we are.  Period.

What caught my attention was when he called himself a bad sinner.  He said that he prays and then he sins and then he prays and then he sins.  And the Holy Spirit spoke for me.

That led into a gospel presentation.  I explained how, when Jesus, the Son of God, came to die, it was to die once for all sins of all people past, present, future.  I recounted four of my specific sins to him and drew tick marks on the ground.  Then, I said that Jesus took each of those upon Himself, took the punishment I deserve for each of those sins, and died for them, for me!  And for him and for Lucy and for every school kid and man and woman that was sitting around us.  I talked about how God turned his back on Jesus because of all the sins that were laid upon Him. 

And then I talked about the resurrection.  That the reason I don’t wear crosses with Jesus on them, is because Jesus is alive!  He is no longer on the cross, but He reigns on high in heaven!!!

I explained the choice that God sets before each of us.  The choice to remain in our bondage to fear, remain in our sin, and remain in our disobedience and opposition to God or to turn from all of that by believing in Jesus’ sacrifice for our sin, live in freedom as a servant and child of the King, and follow Him in wholehearted obedience. 

I asked if anyone wanted to make that choice.  No one responded.  There were no loud cries or tears or people saying, “I need Jesus.”  Lucy’s father was grateful to me for sharing this from God’s Word.  He said he’d think about it.  I reminded him that Jesus Himself said that He is coming soon.  This choice is not one to wait on.

On the way home, I smiled.  God made me laugh.  He so clearly reminded me that He is the One at work here, not me.  He is the One who draws people to Himself, not me.  He is the One who speaks, not me.

And I laughed.  Because I was hurting, and sick, and tired, and…voiceless.

But God spoke.

And they heard.

Pictures from two days ago in Lucy's garden:

 Lucy and I
(Whitney, do you see your headband?  She LOVED it.)

 "Numwa" or sorghum, the staple crop here in Toposaland

 Girls up on the "lopim" where they keep watch for birds trying to eat the sorghum

Me with Nawi, Lucy's daughter

lately.

Here's what's been happening lately...

Bees have overtaken my kitchen.  They are building a hive; at least, I think so.  I can't see the hub of where they are, back there behind my cabinets, between the back of the counters and the wall.  Shannon has been so kind to put himself at risk and spray cans and cans of DOOM (the most appropriately named bug spray ever) at the bees and their hive-in-process.  They get so loud after the sprays!  I have had to learn to live with many dead bees on my counters and floors (see below!) and get used to being very careful when heading toward the fridge as I make meals!  And I always have a can of DOOM at the ready.  Hopefully they will be on their way out soon.  Surely a tree would make a much better hive...if only I could get them to believe that.  We sprayed today, and then closed the hole so they can't get out!  Eeek.  Hope it works!  Otherwise I now have some very angry bees trapped in a makeshift hive behind my counters.

 My floor from the door.  Those dots you see?  All bees.

 Getting a little closer to the corner...

 Notice the bee-covered counter as well...

 Creeping back there, hoping and praying I do not get stung...

And yes.  These are all dead bees.  

I have started teaching homeschool to a lively fourth grader, Davis!  It is quite enjoyable.  I really do like teaching!  It is also quite tiring.  Even exhausting.  I have a much greater appreciation for every single one of my teachers as well as my friends who, themselves, are now teachers (Elena and Lacey!).  It takes a lot of preparation and work and patience and energy.  But it is so worth it!  Please be praying for me as I do my best to make learning fun for Davis; pray for endless creativity for me and for him!  Thanks!

 Us on the first day of school at Lo Compound Primary School.  Go Cobras!  

Teehee.  :)  

The people around here refer to our "village" as "lo compound."  Still cracks me up!

 View from the back of the classroom, which is a shipping container

 Walker's little desk for when he'll start pre-school!

 My view from where I stand/sit from 8:30am to 2:00-3:30pm every day

Davis on his second day in science, after learning about creation, holding his creation.  A carrot and a numkat, his own fruit that is shaped like a cube and tastes something like a pear and grapes put together.

 Davis' cell model.  (I may have enjoyed this more than he did!)

And I just had to add this, a picture of my dinner last night:

That's right.  Praise the Lord for having Old El Paso stuff make it all the way to Nairobi!!!  Mexican food really is the best.  Nothing else even comes close.

That's it for now!  It's been raining steadily for seven hours, and I am enjoying a cloudy, cold, rainy day!

loneliness.....is.....lovely.

Wait...what?

Yes, it sounds crazy.  But that has become my prayer.  Not that the loneliness will go away, because it won't (especially in this next month before my teammate comes).  If I prayed that, I'd be asking for something that God has already said "no" to at this time.  He's called me, in a way, to be lonely for now.  So, I thought I'm going to make the most of this opportunity!  (The trip is what you make it, right Pastor Dan?)  And the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray that the loneliness is lovely.  Ok, yes, I also really like acronyms.  A while back I wrote a post called “waiting is wonderful.”  But…it helps me to remember things in this memorable manner…easier to pray, quick to recall when looking back, and short and sweet to pass on to someone else.

In the concordance in the back of the Bible I have with me, there is only one verse in the Bible that uses the word: "lonely".  I looked my last night in Nairobi when I began to again feel that overwhelming feeling that is loneliness.  To be honest, it's kind of like feeling you are in a black hole, being sucked away from everything that is familiar and everyone you know.

“God sets the lonely in families.” Psalm 68:6

And He has done this for me in many ways.

My wonderful, faithful in prayer, contiuously supportive family back home. (And even though they are not pictured this includes my dear grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles in Texas and New York!)

My family adjusting to life overseas in Africa and beyond and going through the same kinds of adjustments and transitions from training in Virginia and Zambia.

My family on my team here in Sudan. (And this includes Whitney, who was here for two months but is home now, and Mindy who is on her way here for a long time so soon!)

My family among the Toposa people.

I thanked God that night in Nairobi for each of my families.  He always provides even for needs I didn’t know I had.

Then, I began flipping through the book of Genesis, because I’ve been reading through the beginning chapters of the Bible, and God brought me to chapter 16 and the story of Hagar’s flight.  My eyes were immediately drawn to verse 13: “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the God who sees me.’”

God sees me. 

Even when I am physically alone.

Even when I am so overjoyed I can’t stand it but have no one to share it with.

Even when tears fall down and no one hears me cry.

Even when it is very dark and nothing can be seen.

God sees me.

What a promise to claim!  I decided to look at the verses marked in the cross-reference section of my Bible.  Another moment where I knew God was speaking directly to my heart.  He led me to Psalm 139.  Verses 7-10 calmed me immediately upon reading them:

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens , you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”

I have been reading elsewhere in the Old Testament, and God tells His people many times to “hold fast” to His commands, “hold fast” to His Word, and to “hold fast” to Him.  In low moments, I have reminded myself to be sure and hold fast to Him, my ever-present King, who never ever changes.

But!!! What I hadn’t remembered or realized yet, was the greater truth that He, the Creator God of the Universe, the Most High King, the Sovereign Lord, He holds me fast. 

Whoa.  Whoa.

It may seem crazy, and I can hardly believe it myself, but the loneliness is lovely.  Because it makes me rest in Him alone, the Only One who really is always there. 

And it’s becoming more lovely every single day.