loneliness.....is.....lovely.

Wait...what?

Yes, it sounds crazy.  But that has become my prayer.  Not that the loneliness will go away, because it won't (especially in this next month before my teammate comes).  If I prayed that, I'd be asking for something that God has already said "no" to at this time.  He's called me, in a way, to be lonely for now.  So, I thought I'm going to make the most of this opportunity!  (The trip is what you make it, right Pastor Dan?)  And the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray that the loneliness is lovely.  Ok, yes, I also really like acronyms.  A while back I wrote a post called “waiting is wonderful.”  But…it helps me to remember things in this memorable manner…easier to pray, quick to recall when looking back, and short and sweet to pass on to someone else.

In the concordance in the back of the Bible I have with me, there is only one verse in the Bible that uses the word: "lonely".  I looked my last night in Nairobi when I began to again feel that overwhelming feeling that is loneliness.  To be honest, it's kind of like feeling you are in a black hole, being sucked away from everything that is familiar and everyone you know.

“God sets the lonely in families.” Psalm 68:6

And He has done this for me in many ways.

My wonderful, faithful in prayer, contiuously supportive family back home. (And even though they are not pictured this includes my dear grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles in Texas and New York!)

My family adjusting to life overseas in Africa and beyond and going through the same kinds of adjustments and transitions from training in Virginia and Zambia.

My family on my team here in Sudan. (And this includes Whitney, who was here for two months but is home now, and Mindy who is on her way here for a long time so soon!)

My family among the Toposa people.

I thanked God that night in Nairobi for each of my families.  He always provides even for needs I didn’t know I had.

Then, I began flipping through the book of Genesis, because I’ve been reading through the beginning chapters of the Bible, and God brought me to chapter 16 and the story of Hagar’s flight.  My eyes were immediately drawn to verse 13: “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the God who sees me.’”

God sees me. 

Even when I am physically alone.

Even when I am so overjoyed I can’t stand it but have no one to share it with.

Even when tears fall down and no one hears me cry.

Even when it is very dark and nothing can be seen.

God sees me.

What a promise to claim!  I decided to look at the verses marked in the cross-reference section of my Bible.  Another moment where I knew God was speaking directly to my heart.  He led me to Psalm 139.  Verses 7-10 calmed me immediately upon reading them:

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens , you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”

I have been reading elsewhere in the Old Testament, and God tells His people many times to “hold fast” to His commands, “hold fast” to His Word, and to “hold fast” to Him.  In low moments, I have reminded myself to be sure and hold fast to Him, my ever-present King, who never ever changes.

But!!! What I hadn’t remembered or realized yet, was the greater truth that He, the Creator God of the Universe, the Most High King, the Sovereign Lord, He holds me fast. 

Whoa.  Whoa.

It may seem crazy, and I can hardly believe it myself, but the loneliness is lovely.  Because it makes me rest in Him alone, the Only One who really is always there. 

And it’s becoming more lovely every single day.

a day with the animals.

Today was a holiday here in Nairobi, so the Terrazas family invited me to join them and go to the Elephant Orphange and the Giraffe Centre.  So much fun!

 An orphaned elephant playing soccer!

 So happy to be so close to baby elephants!  There are my favorite!

 Me and Nathan with Nairobi National Park in the background

 Us making Nathan's favorite funny face

 Hello there, Mr. Giraffe.

We also wandered around on trails like the one above!  I loved it!  My buddy, Nathan, was the best.  Even when there were giant tree roots or rocky steps or tall grasses in his way...he just laughed his wonderful laugh and pressed on!  Thank you Terrazas for a wonderful day!

video.

Check out this video I made from my first three months in Sudan!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn0tDhKYHuk

May God richly bless you today in ways you would never expect.

time for rest.

Got to Nairobi, Kenya yesterday for a two week R&R trip... rest and restock!  Praise the Lord that my bag was not overweight--no paying extra (at least for this leg of the trip)!  It was not until I got here that it dawned on me how much I really need this time of rest.  The last week of trying to story in Nataragat was full of delayed plans, days of not telling stories, crazy people wanting rides...needless to say, I did not get to finish the REAP curriculum before coming here.  I only have three stories left!  But God has changed my view and definition of success and failure.  The fact that I got to tell stories there at all with help from Lucy is a huge victory!!!  And I am trusting in His timing.  He will have the people there on story days who need to here that one story; I must rest in that.  His Word does not return empty but always goes out to accomplish His purpose.

God led me to Isaiah 54 this morning, and what a perfect way for He to speak to me about this time of needed rest:

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated." (4)

"'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you." (10)

"O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones." (11)

Mmmmmm...time to be still.

Thank you, Lord, for: a squishy bed, a desk with chairs, heavy comforters, a flushing toilet, wheat bread that I didn't make (appropriately called "Slices of Life"), cinnamon rolls from my family from training (the Terrazas! love them!), my blue jeans, the cold, six letters in the Sudan mailbox (thank you Gigi, Bobber, Whitney, Pendergrass family, Mr. Randag and DATAMARK), fast internet, apples, and no bugs.  Thank you also for Your sufficient grace and strength to be without these when in Sudan.  Thank you for making Sudan home.  And thank you for Nairobi and what a nice time of rest it will bring.  To God be the glory even as I rest!

the greatest story.

Please read the blog below before reading this one. 

God is so faithful.  It sounds redundant to say that so often.  But it’s true.  Forever it’s true.  Well, I asked William, who works for an NGO but could not get to work today due to the river that was nyakale lowi (flowing a lot!), if he would be willing to help me out with translating the story of Jesus today in Nataragat.  He said yes!  Before we left, I had to stop and ask God to keep my heart in the right place.  To be ready to not share, if I was doing it just to check it off the list, but also to be ready to lead someone to Christ if the Spirit stirred a heart to do believe in Him.

We started off singing some songs, and many people came to listen.  More than usual were listening intently and answering questions correctly.  They were really listening.  Some of the adults made an effort to shush the kids who were talking during the storytelling.  I drew circles and a line in the dirt depicting respectively Jesus becoming the sacrifice for sin for all people and the choice that is put before each of us…stay in our lives, living in disobedience to God, trapped under Satan’s power OR repent and begin a new life in Christ, following and being obedient to God, living in freedom under God’s power.  They were so interested, and all of them, adults and children, gathered tightly around so they could stare at the line.  I kept stepping from one side the other as I shared the differences between a life of sin headed for eternal separation from God in hell and a life under grace headed for an eternity with God in heaven. 

Afterward, several of them expressed a desire to hear more of God’s Word.  One man basically said that they need a group in that area that gathers together to hear God’s Word (aka church!) and that, because he knows I cannot keep coming there forever, the leader needs to come from one of the villages in Nataragat.  Yes!  I explained that he was right and that there were more people outside of Nataragat who needed to hear the good news of Jesus so I would have to leave this area.  And I told him that I am praying that God would raise up such a leader from among them!

And one man even attributed all the rain to God, saying that ever since you came here and prayed for rain and have been teaching God’s Word, the rains have come.  I explained that God does bring rain for He is the Creator and is All-Powerful.

I can never know the definite reasons why God does what He does, in sending the rain or having translators be elsewhere.  But it was amazing to see God get glory yesterday, as people heard the truth of Jesus, the gospel, and thanked God for the rain.  And it was a wonderful way to be reminded that the story of Jesus is my all-time favorite story to tell. 

The good news of Jesus Christ is the greatest story.

There is no better story out there. 

P.S. You should’ve seen me when I told the story….I wore lovely galoshes caked with mud and had my blue rain jacket tied around my waist.  I was a sight for sure.  But it didn’t matter.  All that mattered was that the people heard about Jesus!!!

Bible stories, baptisms, black clouds, and bubble-wrapped salsa.

We had a team from America come here for eight days last week.  It was great!  The focus area of the week was Kop, just about a 15-20 minute walk from Nudwa (where I live).

Mornings consisted of the telling of Bible stories, 42 in all, going through pictures on the Story Cloth.  These stories are all part of the BIG Story of God, and it was such a blessing to sit amidst the crowd as the team opened even my eyes to see how the thread of God’s desire for a relationship with His people goes throughout the Bible.  From the garden, God had a plan to bring His people back to Himself.  To His prophets, He declared the arrival of the coming Messiah who would rescue His people.  And when Jesus came, He died to undo the curse from the garden.  The Bible really is one story.  I now have such a desire to read through His Word from cover to cover and see it all again from this perspective!

Every afternoon team members helped me out in Nataragat by sharing the AIDS stories from the REAP Life curriculum.  I would introduce each story and lead the discussion.  It was great to see people respond to questions and ask their own!  They understood all we taught about AIDS and really enjoyed hearing the information come through folktale stories relating directly to their world. 

In the afternoons, we returned to Kop where a Bible story would be told and a discipleship lesson, such as one on fruit of the Spirit or what church looks like, would be taught.  One night included the showing of the “Jesus” film.  I actually grew up watching this film (I can anticipate the next musical interlude and yes, sometimes I still picture Bible characters the way they are portrayed in this film!).  But I have asked that God would open my eyes during the movie to see something I have not before.  He did!  This time I sat there in awe of Jesus who would pour so much of His life and ministry and time and love into Judas Iscariot, even though He knew from the beginning of time that Judas would betray Him and hand Him over to be crucified.  Love without expecting anything in return.  In Luke 6, while Jesus taught, He must have been thinking of Judas when He urged those listening to “love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back” (v. 35).  This is grace.  This is mercy.  This is real love.

At the end of the week, the choice was put before the group that had gathered that morning.  The choice to stay in their lives of sin, walking under Satan’s power, not listening to God or obeying Him, OR to walk away from their sins, trust in God’s power alone, listen to God, and obey Him by following Him with all of their lives.  A few men surrendered their lives to Christ!!!  One man even cut off his witchcraft bracelet!  And when taught about baptism, and how it is a symbol of dying to the old life and being raised to a new one in Christ, they wanted to be baptized!  A few of the young guys who come to many teaching with us also spoke up saying they also wanted to be baptized.  We walked down to the flowing river, and our translator for the week, Robert, baptized the first man, Lokware, and then Lokware baptized all the rest!!!  It was beautiful to see hearts turning back to God and to see faces of those who went so far as to declare publically through baptism their decision to follow Christ.  Beautiful.

The team has gone, and now it’s time to keep telling stories out in Nataragat.  Lucy has been helping to translate there so the work has not stopped.  {Our language tutor/translator, Emmanuel, has disappeared without a word.  Please pray that he runs to God, for God’s protection, and that he knows he is always welcome back here.}  But yesterday, when I went to try to tell story number 11, the gospel, the story of Jesus (for the third time—stopped by rain another time), Lucy was not there.  She is off at cattle camp. 

I hope to try again today, that is, if the rain stops.  I woke up to a serious downpour of rain on my tin roof accompanied by ear-splitting thunder and non-stop flashes of lightning.  The storm stopped in time for us to have our team devotional and meeting, but as I type this, the clouds have circled back.  It is so dark at 11:40am.  Looks like 7:30pm.

It is discouraging when things don’t go as I have planned.  But the Lord is teaching me to lean on Him when something gets in the way of my plans and instead to surrender it all to Him.  I love rain, and the ground here needs it desperately.  But they also need Jesus, and much more so than the crops.  God stopped me mid-step on the way to my tukel, “Alyssa, who sends the rain?”  Whoa.  “Well, You do, Lord.  You do.”  He gave me this song, “Reason for Rain,” as I thought through all this sitting again inside my tukel while it poured rain outside:

Here it comes again

Dark clouds overhead

Goodbye plans

Hello wind

Stayed up so late last night

Trying to get it just right

Lesson number three

I was on my way to tell

A Bible story I know well

Memorized wonderfully

Really wanted to go share

And come back and prepare

Lesson number four

But that is when

The breeze kicked in

And it started to pour

So I cried out

I said, “Lord, why now?

There goes all I’d planned

With the rain that’s fallin’”

And You answered gracefully…

CHORUS:

“Who talks to the sea

And set the boundaries for the tide

Who holds the key

To the storehouse where the waters reside

Child, for now, you must refrain

From telling that part of My story

Cause there’s a reason for this rain

It’s always for My glory.”

Got up early this morning

Still can’t stop this wondering

Why am I here?

Your truth I long to tell

By this waiting I’m overwhelmed

How will they hear?

The rain keeps on coming

The only sound is thundering

What shall I do?

Lightning across the sky

Keeps me asking why

Are you through?

So I cried out

I said, “Lord, why now?

There goes all my work

Crushed in the dirt”

And You answered patiently…

CHORUS

Bridge:

Every raindrop has its purpose

When it falls to the earth

Cause the God who lets it fall knows

How much each is worth

And even though each raindrop makes work

Nearly impossible

The God whose hand makes the rain come down

Is still on His schedule

He is still in control

And You answered me…

CHORUS

Cause there's a reason for the rain
It’s always for His glory

Here it comes again

Dark clouds overhead

Goodbye plans

Hello wind

When I got back yesterday evening, after finding out Lucy is at the nyawi (cattle camp), the Lord led me to recite His Word as I walked around the compound.  Soon after, the Lewis car pulled into the compound from town with action packers that just arrived from the states.  My wonderful grandparents, Gigi and Bobber, in Beaumont packaged up some goodies for me and sent it with the team.  I opened it, pulling out each piece with joyful tears in my eyes.  Some things smelled like my Gigi.  Made me smile.  I hugged the box of Honey Bunches of Oats.  I kissed the pretty paper.  I screamed when I saw the bubble-wrapped salsa.

Thanks be to the God who loves like our God loves.  Who knows each of us like He does.  Who went so far to gather us from wherever we were to bring us back to Himself.  Celebrate the new believers’ decisions, and pray for courage as they will face persecution from their families still in the darkness.  Pray for the young guys who took the next step and were baptized; that they’d be filled with the desire to hear more of and then follow His Word.  Pray for a language tutor/translator (or two!) for our team.  Praise God for the little things that you take for granted. 

Thank you for praying.  Those Bible stories were heard, the baptisms took place, the black clouds will leave when He so desires, and the bubble-wrapped salsa…well, it will be eaten and enjoyed down to the very last drop.

Here's some other great pictures from the week:

Elimu sound asleep

Fresh scarring

Me with some kids on the Lewis' porch

Lorum in Lolepan

Little boy in Nataragat

Carrie and I teaching the "hand jive"

Stares from the cutest faces

A game of "Nyateng, Nyateng, Nyemong" ("Cow, Cow, Bull")

i am Toposa and i was born yesterday.

Ok, so I am not Toposa.
And of course, I was not born yesterday.

But...

My friend, Natori (or "pregnant Maria"), made a Toposa skirt for me with help from Narot!  I LOVE it!!!  They kept telling me to take my pants off and then it'd be perfect.  I told them no way.  To be really perfect, I would need to take my shirt off too!  Ha!  Don't worry.  Will NOT happen.  But I do love the skirt.  And it's pretty much all my favorite colors.  It's like she knew I'm a purple girl.  With a little turquoise thrown in.

And...

A friend from Natori's village, Lokuru, had her baby yesterday night, and named her after me!!!  They will call her many names:  Nakai (my Toposa name meaning "house"), Alyssa, Nyekwan (the color white--they pointed to my legs!), Nyekoyeo (tall), and Nyapese ka America (unmarried girl from America).  For the first three days after the birth, Lokuru cannot come out of her house and cannot eat.  And she also waits to nurse the baby.  Very interesting.  They showed me the tool they used to cut the cord too!  Pretty neat.  Please pray for little Nakai.  Lokuru, her mother, wears a lot of witchcraft and is involved in dark things. Please pray for freedom in Christ for both Lokuru and Nakai.  That they would come to know Christ as Lord!  Thank you!!!

Also...South Sudan has a new currency.  Pretty cool lookin', huh?

And I had my hair done by this little girl.  You like?  They were all laughing so hard.  It was fun!